Cracking Ok Cupid

Transcript

1 Copyright © 2015 by This Is Trouble http://www.thisistrouble.com 2 TABLE OF CONTENTS The Failure The Myths The First Impression The Pictures The Lies The Questions The Search The Screening The Opening The Conversation The Real World The Date The Bounce The FAQs The Finale 5 10 17 24 32 44 48 61 70 76 81 92 98 103 108 3 4 The Failure Mark sped home from work in excitement. He was finally, after weeks of messaging, meeting up with his dream girl from OKCupid. Rachel was cute, funny, smart, and they had a match rating of 84% according to the questions posed to them on the website. Mark was taking her out to dinner at the newly-opened Italian restaurant that was the talk of the town. Mark didn’t make very much money at his mundane office job, and finances were tight. He knew the Italian restaurant was pushing his budget, but rationalized that this is what it’d take to finally get Rachel to go out with him. He was willing to bite the bullet. Mark had been using OKCupid for two months now without much success. He’d managed to collect half a dozen phone numbers at this point, but this was his first date from the website. Hell, it was actually his first date in nearly six months, which was when his ex-girlfriend dumped him - because she felt the passion in their relationship was gone. He had created his OKCupid profile due to increasing pressure from his friends to get back in the dating game. After several weeks of their incessant nagging, Mark began the tedious process of picking his best pictures and crafting a witty profile. He also answering the never-ending questions that OKCupid threw at him – the questions that promised him more, and better, matches. After he’d had spent over five hours on this process, he started messaging women. Mark had read many articles about how to use online dating, and a universal piece of advice was to always read a women’s profile in its entirety. It was thought that this showed that you were a thoughtful, and caring individual – who truly wanted to get to know her, and cared far more about her personality than a man’s natural desire to simply put his penis in her vagina. Mark figured that because he’d read this advice from multiple sources, this must be how men are successful with online dating. He began the tedious process of scavenging every piece of information off the profile of every woman he had any interest in messaging. After making notes that would make a college professor proud, he started crafting the ultimate opening message to these girls. 5 He made sure to reference everything they had in common, pay them nice compliments, and using plenty of emoticons. These unique messages were usually at least 500 words. Mark sent about five of these messages every night he spent on OKCupid, which was usually about four nights a week. Out of the approximately twenty messages he sent out every week, he received an average of two responses. But none of that mattered now, because he was going out with Rachel now. Rachel! Mark couldn’t contain his excitement. Mark wanted everything to be perfect. On his way home from the office, he swung by the restaurant to make sure there was no issue with the reservation. After confirming there were no problems, he stopped at the grocery store to pick up a bouquet of flowers before heading home to get ready. The bouquet cost $12.95, but it was worth it for this girl. Mark walked in the door to his apartment at 5:30, and knew he had to leave his apartment at 6:25 to get to the restaurant fifteen minutes in advance of their 7:00 date. He couldn’t be late. Across town, Rachel was busy debating with her office friends whether she should go on the date with Mark, or just flake on him at the last second. After all, she had already been on another date this week and it was only Wednesday. Friday night would be a night out with the girls, and she’d already been invited by a hot guy from OKCupid to go pop a bottle at a major club on Saturday night. Rachel had been corresponding with Mark on OKCupid and text messaging for several weeks now. He had originally sent her a very nice opening message, that she thought was sweet but did nothing to excite her. When Mark first asked for her phone number, she had told him she wasn’t ready for that yet. In reality, she thought he wasn’t as exciting a prospect as the other two guys she gave her number to that night. However, Mark continued to persist despite the rejection. It was when he brought up wanting to try out the new Italian restaurant in town that Rachel perked up. She messaged him back saying that she would love to try it, as well – and gave Mark her phone number. That was one week ago, and Mark had texted her every day since then, telling her all about his day and how excited he was to meet her. The dread in Rachel had slowly been building up throughout the week, but it was a free meal. Mark had already insisted on 6 paying, prior to even meeting Rachel in person, and verifying that she actually looked like the photos she had posted on OKCupid. Her pictures were about three years old, but Rachel didn’t feel bad about it. She knew she’d matured and was a much more sophisticated woman since the pictures had been taken, and this should surely offset the fifteen pounds she had gained over the past three years. Rachel decided to go on the date, but rationalized that there was no need to go home and change out of her work clothes. Yes, these would suffice just fine. She turned around to her girlfriends and asked if they would like to get a drink before she met up with Mark. She hoped with a cocktail or two already in her prior to the date, that maybe it would be more bearable. Mark made sure he looked his best for Rachel. He carefully picked out his best clothes – a nice pair of jeans and a freshly ironed dress shirt. He stepped in the shower, taking care to scrub every inch of his body with soap. After the shower, he gave himself a fresh shave, threw on a bit of cologne, and slipped on his clothes. Finally, he wound his watch and stepped out the door feeling very confident. He arrived at the restaurant at 6:45, just as planned. After checking in with the hostess, he sat down outside to wait for his name to be called. At 7:00, there was still no sign of Rachel. Mark sent her a text message asking where she was, and then heard his name called. He decided to go and sit down, and shot off another text to Rachel letting her know that he was already at the table. He began to wait while absentmindedly looking at the wine list. Meanwhile, Rachel had lost track of time at the bar with her friends. Finally, at 7:00, she realized that she was hungry – how convenient that dinner was next on her schedule. Settling the bill with her friends, she hopped in a cab and finally arrived at the restaurant at 7:15. After a quick freshening in the bathroom, she finally joined Mark at the table at 7:20. Mark saw her coming towards him, and noted, with disappointment, that Rachel did not look as good as her pictures. Shrugging this aside, he stood up to greet Rachel and stuck out his hand for a greeting. She took it and gave a small smile, immediately sitting down, ordering a cocktail, and burying herself in the menu. Mark fidgeted nervously with his hands – they had already talked so much on OKCupid, and text messaging, that he wasn’t sure what he had left to talk about. 7 “She already knows everything about me!” Mark thought to himself in panic. When her cocktail arrived, Rachel finally looked up. After ordering their food (Mark ordered the beef lasagna, Rachel the salmon and spinach fettuccine), the couple made a bit of small talk about their days. Mark thought he had made progress when he told her how he had saved the day at work by fixing a programming blunder that his colleague had made. However, as soon as he finished the story, Rachel buried herself in her salmon again without the slightest hint of interest in him. Mark sensed he was blowing it as the waiter cleared their main dishes. Hoping to make up for it, he offered dessert. “You like chocolate, right? How about some fudge cake?” Never one to turn down chocolate, as clearly evidenced by the fifteen pounds gained since her pictures were taken Rachel pounced on the opportunity ordering a coffee for good measure. After watching Rachel devour the majority of the fudge cake, Mark took a look at the bill. Beef lasagna: $17 Salmon: $25 Cocktail: $8 Fudge cake: $12 Coffee: $3 After Mark paid the bill with tax and tip, the total came to $82. He sighed to himself and tried to convince himself it was worth it as he watched Rachel scraping the last ounce of fudge off of her plate. The two cocktails she had before dinner, plus the one at the restaurant, left Rachel in a position feeling it was unsafe to drive. Knowing what a gentleman Mark was, she coyly asked if he would mind giving her a ride home. She apologized about living fifteen minutes in the opposite direction of him, but Mark agreed to drive her home anyway. Once they were outside of her apartment, Rachel thanked Mark for a great night. As they hugged, Mark went for a kiss but his lips met Rachel’s cheek, not her lips. “That’s a little too fast for me, Mark. I’m not that kind of girl,” Rachel stated. Mark said he understood, wished her a good night amid an awkward hug, and drove the half hour back to his own home. 8 The next day, Mark texted Rachel, telling her what a great time he had, and asked if she would like to go to an art exhibit on Saturday with him. Rachel never replied. On Saturday she went to a club with the guy from OKCupid. She got drunk and fucked him in the alley behind the club. His opening message to her was “hey.” Mark ended up spending Saturday night on his computer, crafting new 500 word opening messages in an attempt to find a new dream girl. It’s too bad Mark didn’t have a book telling him how to really crack OKCupid. 9 THE MYTHS Mark’s story is similar to that of many men who have tried OKCupid, or other forms of online dating. I know this because in 2013, I wrote a post on This Is Trouble, titled “5 Tips To Cracking OKCupid.” A year later, thousands of readers have found that article through Google and various other search engines, all looking for help on how to best navigate the OKCupid dating waters. The majority of these searchers are men. If these men were getting lots of responses, going on dates, and having lots of sex – they wouldn’t be on Google looking for help with OKCupid. After an overwhelming amount of requests for additional information, individual profile reviews, and a more comprehensive guide; I decided to put everything that I had learned over my own years of online dating into a book. This book will allow any man to create a profile from scratch and experience success. It should come as no surprise that this book does not contain the conventional advice that many “gurus” on mainstream sites provide. Understand that those articles are catered to both women and men – and must be politically correct. If you want to have success on OKCupid, you must push aside the myths that many people have pushed upon you. Myth #1 - Looks There are many people that fully believe the only guys who get dates online are “10s”. Let’s start by clarifying that there are no 10s in a woman’s world. Every girl has a type that based on drastically more complex standards than your average man. For a man, the 1-10 rating is based almost entirely off of looks. If she’s not overweight, that likely places her at a 6 on the scale to start. For simplicity’s sake, I’m talking about American body types, which usually ere on the side of obese. If she has an excellent body (i.e. better than average) and a good face, she will probably be an 8. After that, it’s subjective. One man’s 8 will be another man’s 10. Another man’s 9 will only be a 7 to the guy next to him. However, the foundation of the 1-10 rating scale is solid because men generally agree that beauty, femininity, and fitness can all be judged the same based around a pair of boobs and a vagina. 10 If only women were so simple. Women are attracted to power, money, confidence, and charisma. A fat man with all of these qualities in spades will still be able to attract women, and will even be loved by them. A fat woman with these qualities is the woman who ends up on the TV show Hoarders for owning too many cats. All other things being equal, a man who is in shape will likely do better than one who is fat, but the difference isn’t as marked as that between a fat and slim woman. Starting to come together? Due to the various differences in personalities, upbringings, etc., women have a lot more to be attracted, or not attracted to. One woman’s 10 might be another woman’s 3. One woman’s 6 might be another’s 1. There is just no way of telling until you open your mouth and give yourself a shot. Or, in this case, until you copy and paste the same message you sent to the previous hundred girls. What’s fascinating about OKCupid and other online dating sites or apps is that it deemphasizes what a woman would naturally consider attractive and instead makes them - you guessed it - exactly like men. OKCupid and other technology based dating mediums forces them to base their initial desire off of looks alone. When you’re messaging girls on OKCupid, you have a split second of their attention. You must capture it quickly or you’ll be tossed aside quicker than another pair of semen-stained panties. Many people will tell you that your pictures will absolutely make or break you in terms of your OKCupid success. I’m here to tell you that it’s simply not true. I’ve run profiles without any pictures to test this theory, and had astounding results with it. We’re talking 50% response rates. The real point I’m trying to drive home with this is this: looks don’t matter as many would have you believe. I once made a profile without a picture and proved this. So, if you’re truly as ugly as a toad, that doesn’t mean you are out of the online dating game. You just have to pick the best picture you can, taking full advantage of all the tricks girls use (lighting, effects, side shots, secret-fat-hiding shots, etc.) and use them to your benefit. Even if you are ugly, you can still have outstanding success on OKCupid. 11 Myth #2 - Women are on dating sites because they want something serious and are tired of the bar scene Once you start looking at women’s profiles on OKCupid, you’ll discover that at least half of them have something written within their first few paragraphs along these lines: “Hi! I’m new to this whole online dating thing and not sure how to fill out my selfsummary. I’m not very good at talking about myself. Anyways, I am NOT looking to just hook-up, so please don’t message me if that is your intention. I have gotten tired of meeting guys at bars and my friends encouraged me to try this out.” Let’s debunk every lie in this generic statement. “I’m new to this whole online dating thing and not sure how to fill out my self-summary. I’m not very good at talking about myself. “ Women love to talk. They especially love to talk about themselves, their lives, and their friends. This statement is a vain attempt to give you the impression that they aren’t like other girls who talk too much - which is nearly every girl on the planet. “Anyways, I am NOT looking to just hook-up, so please don’t message me if that is your intention.” This one is the closest to being the truth. Even if a woman truly was on a dating website or app with the sole intention of hooking up, she would never, in a million years, convince herself of that, much make it known in a public space. She will rationalize her actions - no matter how insane and illogical they are - to her grave. This behavior is a biological firewall, because women don’t want to be perceived as sluts by their friends or by you. As much as today’s culture promotes equal opportunity and encourages girls to be slutty, men are still disgusted by the thought of committing to a long-term relationship with a slut. Women know this deep down, so they go through every trick in the book to tell themselves they aren’t a slut. A friend of mine (credit: LaidNYC, rest in peace) summed this up well when he said, “A girl saying she can go out and get laid is like me saying I can buy a girl dinner.” 12 Now, some women are genuinely looking for relationships on OKCupid. Some of them truly won’t hook up with you on the first date. But, the myth I’m debunking here is that when they say they aren’t looking for a hookup - it doesn’t mean they won’t. I can’t tell you how many times a girl that said she didn’t want to hook up ended up face down, ass up on the first date. Myth #3 - People will think I’m “weird” for doing online dating. Truthfully, who cares what other people think about you? You are your own man and nobody else should have any say over how you meet women. Am I saying you should use OKCupid so you can cower behind your keyboard and monitor, never developing the skills to talk to a real, live, breathing woman? No, absolutely not. But you needn’t feel ashamed of using OKCupid as a viable tool in your dating arsenal. This is especially the case in today’s world of overpriced drinks, bitch shields, and horrendous guy-to-girl ratios at nearly every social venue. While some people will say, “Do day game!” it’s easy to realize that this is not a realistic option for all people; namely those that have full time jobs. Now that we’ve established that you shouldn’t be ashamed for fucking girls off OKCupid, you should know this: our generation is beyond the point where online dating is considered weird or shameful. Nearly every person I know between the ages of 18-40 has used OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, or Match at some point in their lives. I know a few people that met their eventual husband or wife on an online dating site. This world has gone from a place where face-to-face interaction was required in all aspects of life to a world in which face-to-face interaction is now considered inferior to technological communications. To show that OKCupid and other technological ways of meeting women are no longer shameful tactics, you need look no further than how text messaging has developed over the past couple of years. Remember how a man used to be considered a coward if he wouldn’t call a woman on the phone to ask her out? These days, he’d be labeled as a weirdo if he did call her. Texting is now considered perfectly acceptable and normal as a way of asking a woman out. Only time will tell if someday, picking up a girl in person is considered the “weird” thing to do. I wouldn’t be shocked if it is sooner, rather than later. 13 Myth #4 - You need to personalize every message All of the so-called “experts” on OKCupid and online dating advocate that you must do the following things: 1.) Read a woman’s profile in its entirety. In addition, you should also read every question she has answered, and be able to recite her answers from memory. 2.) Carefully craft a message to her based off her profile and your interests. 3.) Said message should be not too long, but also not too short. You know what the real problem is with the advice to read every profile and personalize a message? You would spend the entirety of your free time doing exactly this. Which means you wouldn’t be able to pursue cool hobbies, build your body, and generally do the things that make you more attractive to women in the first place. If you truly had to sift through her ten to fifteen paragraphs of bullshit and then craft a perfectly penned original message to her, you’d be lucky to get out five messages sent in an hour. Hell, that last piece of advice is stupid on its face. What if she has ADD, or is dyslexic? What’s too long then? What’s too short? OKCupid “experts” are full of awful advice you should ignore. You do not need to personalize every message. In fact, you don’t even need to be bothered to read the profile. I fully advocate copying and pasting the same message to every single woman on OKCupid within a second of opening her profile and seeing that she’s not dog-ugly. Don’t listen to the experts; there is no need for personalized messages. Myth #5 - Success requires a long, detailed profile There is no need to tell your entire life story in your OKCupid profile. If we go back to Attraction 101 (countless resources out there, including my own blog), you’ll know that women love some level of some mystery in a man. Spilling your soul on a profile is not the way to be mysterious. 14 Personally, my OKCupid profile has rarely had more than two or three paragraphs, total. On top of that, those few paragraphs are all within the “Self Summary” section. I don’t waste my time talking about my favorite movies and the six things I could never live without. You can talk about those things on the first date, once attraction has already been established. Until then, less is more. Memorize that phrase and apply it to everything in your life as it relates to women. OKCupid profiles are no exception to this. 15 SUMMARY ▪ You do not need to be a “10” in order to be successful on OKCupid. In fact, you can be ugly and have success. You just need to make your pictures the best you can, which is what all girls do anyway – so don’t feel bad about it. ▪ Men and women are not attracted to the same thing, and the sooner you accept this, the better off you will be. ▪ Women will never admit they are on a dating site for sex. However, those who claim they want a serious relationship will hop right into bed with you if your game is strong. ▪ You are not weird for using online dating to meet girls. We are well into the 21st century, and technology is continuing to take us away from in person interactions, to using an LED screen to compensate. Many people who would better off if they’d just accept this. ▪ Do not personalize every message to every woman. Copying and pasting a generic opener that is successful is the best method to getting dates without wasting enormous amounts of your precious time. ▪ Be a little mysterious. Do not tell your life story on your profile. 16 The First Impression The first thing you must do when you create your OKCupid profile is pick a username. Granted, some of you probably already have active profiles prior to purchasing this book, but don’t sweat it. This is the least important part of your profile, but you do want it to be congruent with the rest of your profile. Congruent means your username shouldn’t be something lame or cheesy – use your best judgment. If you love snowboarding, using the username “sn0boarder77” is a cliché, so put a little effort into the matter. It is unlikely that a girl will actually hold that against you, but remember that your username is the first thing that they see along with your picture. I’ve always had a profile that skirts the line of being a charming bastard. Therefore, I’ve had a lot of success with usernames along the lines of:     ImAPrincess CupidPlayer CassanovaCupid Troublemaker I have also run profiles without any sort of attention grabbing username, and I’ve never seen a large enough drop off in response rates to warrant running a test to see the effectiveness of usernames. What I will say is that usernames like I’ve listed above will give girls a conversation starter with you if they are so inclined, and they will often bring it up as a way of establishing rapport with you once you’ve started a conversation. Granted, they will likely be poking fun at you, but this is a great opportunity to make fun of yourself, establishing attraction and outcome independence with her. In today’s world of men who are “sensitive”, being able to have a bit of self-depreciating humor shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously – and you shouldn’t give the impression that you are treating online dating like a life or death matter. Once you’ve selected a username (a more tedious process now, thanks to the high expectations this book sets), it’s time to start filling out the rest of your textual profile 17 (questions, photos, and more are covered in depth in the next chapters). To start, I’m going to show exactly what I have written in my current profile. Please do not copy this word for word. I don’t say this as a way to be selfish or keep all the goodies to myself. After all, you did pay for this book. I simply don’t want hundreds and thousands of young men across the world using this exact profile. Sooner or later, women will catch on and you will get called out. Then all of us will have to write new profiles. In regards to your profile, congruency is vital. If you utilize a sarcastic and cocky profile like I do, your messages need to match that. If that attitude isn’t you in real life, she will be confused when you meet up for the first date. Be prepared to back up what your profile states. I’ll admit, I’ve used parts of other profiles I’ve seen referenced over the years to craft this one – specifically the first two paragraphs. I strongly encourage you to use Cracking OKCupid and other resources to piece together a beginning profile. In no way whatsoever should you ever copy and paste a profile, or even parts of one, exactly word for word, for the reasons listed above. 18 You probably made the assumption this is the ‘My self-summary’ section, and are wondering where the rest of my profile is. Well, that section is the only part of my profile that I have filled out. The concept of “less is more” will repeatedly show itself throughout the contents of this book. You certainly can fill out the rest of your profile, and I’m going to help you do it. I have had success both ways, but this is how I currently run my profile. The other sections of an OKCupid profile are listed below. Filling out the summary is the most important part of a good profile. As you read the breakdowns of what you should and shouldn’t write in the respective sections, you will notice a common theme. If you have something that is cool or interesting to share, you should say it. If you don’t, then you should either spin that statement to be more positive or substitute sarcasm as necessary. OKCUPID PROFILE SECTIONS        What I’m doing with my life I’m really good at Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food The six things I could never do without I spend a lot of time thinking about On a typical Friday night I am You should message me if What I’m doing with my life This is a section that is set up to make men fail. There is no universally “correct” answer. A profession that’s a jackpot for a girl who’s a teacher would be chump change for the girl who is a lawyer. As I discuss later in this book, lying or slightly exaggerating the truth is completely fair game. If you’re in college studying aerospace engineering, write that you are hoping to work at NASA in the near future. If you are a poor musician performing on the street, write that you are working on an album. If you flip burgers, say that you’re a chef. The trick to all of these “lies” is to own them and hold your frame. In the case that you have a solid and stable career that would impresses girls, you can mention it, but don’t make a big deal out of it. Stating that you’re a doctor is okay, and you could even go into the specifics of your practice. However, writing that you are the 19 number one brain surgeon in California and you save four lives a day is overkill and will make you look like an insecure tool. For your reference, here are careers that will generally be attractive to women.         Doctors Lawyers Engineers (provided you make good money and aren’t “uber” geeky) Firemen Police officers Personal trainers Musicians and artists, though these are hit or miss Most positions where there is money and/or power involved I’m really good at This section is dedicated to your hobbies, interests, and any special talents you may possess. Every girl is going to have different qualities that she finds attractive in a man, as I explain in the “Myths” chapter of this book. Don’t fret too much about what you put here. If you have cool hobbies or talents, you should share them. Some examples:       Musical instruments Artistic talents Dancing Sports Cooking Juggling, or other silly tricks Make sure you elaborate on what you are really good at. Just saying that you like to play pickup basketball with your friends is dull, but if you elaborate it and tell a story about how you hit a half-court buzzer beater in 5th grade and that it is your career highlight, the section becomes much more interesting. If you need a starting point, here is what I would personally write. I feel like this section would be far more entertaining if it was what I’m not good at, but here goes. I’ve played guitar for ten years now, but the only song I’m really good at playing is Wonderwall. I raced go karts growing up (yes, it’s a real thing!) and occasionally like to 20 go drifting around parking lots in the dead of night. I’m also really good at saying the alphabet backwards. Note that talking about how you won a video game championship playing Call of Duty is not something that will inspire moist vaginas. Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food If you are going to skip a section, this is it. In fact, I recommend you do. The talk about your “favorites” is what boring men talk about when they run out of things to say on a date. On top of that, it peers too far into your personal life, potentially killing all the mystery about yourself before a girl has a chance to meet you. These are topics that people who are dating eventually begin to discover about each other because they genuinely like each other, not something that should be read on an iPhone screen as a resume. If you insist on filling this part out, make sure it’s not lame, but is truthful – because if she brings it up, you need to be able to hold a conversation about it. This means no mention of Twilight, The Notebook, Sex and the City, Nicki Minaj, or cupcakes. The six things I could never do without First off, mentioning family, friends, air, water, food (as a general term), iPhones, music and love are all extremely cliché, so don’t do it. Also pass on mentioning sex as one of the six things you couldn’t do without, because it makes you look desperate. These six items should be personal to you, not a life necessity, which most of the above “don’ts” are. For example, here is what I’ve written. Remember, I like to be very sarcastic. You mean, besides Taylor Swift and 50 Shades of Grey?      Puppies, because who doesn’t love fucking puppies My guitar That little voice in my head that tells me not to do stupid things A suga mama …you? 21 I spend a lot of time thinking about Ideally, you are a man who is too busy with cool activities going on in his life to waste time daydreaming about nothing. As a result, your thought processes should be about how you will kill your upcoming workout, your business, or other interests and/or passions in your life. This is a section that won’t hurt you to skip, if you can’t come up with anything good. In fact, unless you have something truly inspiring, I recommend you leave this section alone. On a typical Friday night I am Be cautious with this one. While you don’t want to seem like a loser who doesn’t have anything going on Friday nights, you also don’t want to give the impression that you are an out-of-control party animal who can’t grow up. Obviously, there is an exception to this with the party girls. If you have an interesting life that allows you access to the exclusive tiers of the nightlife crowd, by all means you should talk about it – and if you can back it up with pictures, all the better. An example of what I’ve used: Nothing is typical about my Fridays. A good chunk of the time, I’m out and about coaching my clients that come to me via my self-improvement blog. If not, I’m probably eating ice cream out of the carton, watching The Notebook, and crying about the latest girl who broke my heart. You should message me if This is your best chance in the entire profile to clearly state that you have high standards for a girl you are going to go out with. Stating your high standards in a way that comes across as genuinely humble gives off the impression that you are a high value man with his choice of women in the world. Biologically, a woman will be drawn to this. The ending of the profile I previously showed is actually an excellent template to write this section. 22 I'd love to meet someone that is at a similar point in life (young professional) to get into some trouble with. I enjoy a fit LIFESTYLE (that does NOT mean I go to the gym and walk on a treadmill once a week, it means I take care of myself as a whole). I dabble in various sports, play guitar, and enjoy taking random adventures to Europe of Mexico for the hell of it once in a while. I do tend to get along a lot better with people who are a little older than me, so don't hold it against me. The ending of your profile is your chance to clearly spell out the expectations for the women who are involved in your life. If a girl on OKCupid doesn’t like it, that’s simply too bad. I strongly encourage you to give this section some real thought, and continue to hold yourself to the high standards you will set. Doing this will instill a greater selfconfidence, which benefits you in all aspects of life. 23 SUMMARY  Pick a username that isn’t cliché. Ideally, your username should give her an opportunity to make conversation with you.  Congruency is critical to the process. Your profile should match up with the man who messages girls and then takes them out on dates. If you are an asshole online and then a sappy nice guy in person, something is going to seem off to the girls you go out with.  Often times, less is more. Don’t feel compelled to write a novel for each section of your profile.  Some sections are good to demonstrate high value (what you’re good at, what you’re doing, you should message me if), and others will be the death of your response rate (six things, favorite things).  There are many great resources scattered online about how to write a profile. Don’t hesitate to experiment, and use a different city if you want to make drastic changes and see the results. Of course, track your progress via an Excel spreadsheet. 24 The Pictures When you register your OKCupid account, once past the age/gender/ preferences section, you’ll be asked to upload a picture. While I debunked the whole “pictures are everything” myth earlier, you will have more success if you actually do upload photos and good photos at that. I have seven rules of building your photos. Rule #1 - The first picture should (obviously) be your best This seems fairly obvious, doesn’t it? But you would be amazed at how many people don’t do this. I’ve looked over and reviewed dozens of men’s profiles at this point and it is a consistent pattern. I don’t even think its bad taste; it’s simply a lack of knowledge. Girls in general, especially in today’s world of selfies, are all amateur professional photographers when it comes to getting the angles just right to illuminate (read: manipulate) their features exactly to the way they want. What makes up your best photo? That’s subjective. If you’re in good shape, then perhaps a full body picture is in order. If you have an ugly mug, then maybe a side profile photo is your best shot. If you can’t tell yourself what your best photo is, this is something that a female friend/sister/mom can actually give you good advice on. Usually, female advice is wellintentioned but flawed, but this is one time you can take their advice.. Ask a couple of trusted females to rank some photos of you, and see if a pattern holds true. However, in no way shape or form should your main profile picture be too busy. When I say this, I mean that you should simply be the focus of the picture, not a large group. Put your best face forward. 25 Rule #2 - Be careful with the shirtless mirror pictures I know that a big theme in this book is that girls like a bit of arrogance, so the following advice might seem counterintuitive. For whatever reason though, the shirtless mirror picture tends to cross that line into too arrogant. Again, it’s worth reiterating that women are not basing their entire attraction off of a set of washboard abs (certainly doesn’t hurt) like men base nearly their entire attractions off of boobs and ass. While I’ve never used a shirtless picture as my main picture, I’ve seen plenty of guys get ignored from my female friends on OKCupid simply because they had a shirtless selfie on their profile. It’s an automatic disqualification. My theory on this is it’s because there are simply too many guys out there all trying that trick in a desperate ploy to get a girl’s attention. It’s usually followed up by a poorly written, insecurity-reeking profile and an even more eye-rolling opening message. Girls sense their overall low value and realize that the shirtless selfie is just a way of trying to make up for that lack of confidence. A man utilizing shirtless pictures to make up for an obvious lack of self-esteem is similar to a fat chick taking off her clothes hoping it makes up for her being fat. It’s not a pretty sight. Now, this applies to shirtless selfies and mirror pictures. Other shirtless pictures, in the proper context, will absolutely make a girl more attracted to you. I used a picture of me in my wetsuit (top unzipped, abs showing) to great success. The key is to be out and about doing something to show off that body - not sitting around in your bathroom taking pictures in the mirror. If you have pictures of yourself shirtless playing beach volleyball, swimming, or other athletic activities, you are safe to go ahead and use them. Just stay away from the selfies and mirror shots. 26 Rule #3 - Regarding others, or props, in your photos In regards to this rule, it’s best to break these situations into sub-rules. Other chicks - You can absolutely put other chicks in your pictures, but there is one condition: they need to be hot. I wouldn’t even bother with average or “cute” girls. Potential new dates will think you are a player. But, a hot girl by your side will send the female’s brain into hamster overdrive. “What does he have going for him that such a hot girl is with him?” “I’m not that hot…shit, am I ugly? Should I kill myself? Or better yet…kill her…” Other dudes - Never. Go back and read about how one woman’s 10 is another’s 3. She might see your friend and think, “Hmm, I wonder if he’s single…” Babies - Be really careful with this one. It very much depends upon your age and the age of the girl you’re hoping to land. A girl who is 18-21 is going to see you with a baby and probably think that it’s cute. It might win you some points, or it might be a completely neutral outcome. However, if a girl is 28-32, and you’re older, you can bet every dollar you spent on this book that she is going to look at you with that baby and immediately lock you into the provider zone. This means that you won’t be getting the fast sex she readily supplied to men in her past endeavors. Instead, you’ll be stuck wining and dining her while she plots how to best poke a hole in the condom in your wallet. Puppies - Are a great idea. It’s hard to go wrong. It doesn’t matter if it’s an actually cute puppy or if it’s one of those ugly ones that you just simply feel sorry for. Utilize a picture with a puppy and it’s guaranteed to be something she will mention. There is only one exception to this rule. The puppy can’t be a gay small dog that you wouldn’t be surprised to be seen being carried around in a woman’s purse. Having a dog like that in your OKCupid profile will lose you points. 27 Rule #4 - Don’t be a frat boy. To be clear, this rule applies to all of your photos, not just your main profile picture. There is no reason for you to show your super wild side in these pictures. It doesn’t reflect well on you. Would you put “partying” on your job application? While there certainly are party girls on OKCupid, the vast majority of females are going to be turned off by the image of you double fisting a couple of 40’s while simultaneously looking as if you’re about to hurl your guts everywhere. The fraternity, party guy image is generally not attractive to women. Even at university, my experience showed me that most girls don’t find frat boys attractive - unless they are in one of the top frats. Frankly, if you’re not in a top frat you are much better off not even joining a fraternity at all. While the frat boy persona can work well at a fraternity party, it’s not something women are actively looking for. If you are a promoter, or have great connections in the nightlife industry, then it’s not a bad idea to show this off. If you have pictures of you suited up in a VIP table, you should absolutely be utilizing these. However, if your party photo album consists of you dressed up like another Average Joe, I wouldn’t bother. This rule doesn’t mean you can’t show a picture of yourself drinking a beer at a BBQ, suited up sipping on a gin and tonic, or from showing any pictures in which there is alcohol involved. Just keep the actual rule itself in mind - do not look like an idiotic frat boy. Rule #5 - Activities in pictures I touched briefly on this in Rule #1, when I stated that your main profile picture shouldn’t be too busy, like you in a large group setting where it’s tough to identify who you are. However, activities, hobbies, and pictures of you doing cool things are an exception to this, provided you adhere to following the previously listed rules. I’m aware that many guys who use OKCupid are on it because they’re more comfortable in front of a screen with a keyboard in their hands. If this is you, don’t fret that’s why you have this book. Just know that the following hobbies are rarely cool to women. 28    Video games Anime Basically anything that involves a computer, television, or other type of LCD/LED screen. No, the picture of you winning the local Counter-Strike tournament won’t help your cause. Neither will that picture of you dressed up as a Star Wars character at ComicCon. Ditto for anything else that you’d imagine a the popular guy in high school making fun of a nerd for. Women are brutal judges and this will not help you build attraction. Granted, there are exceptions to the rules; girls who are nerds themselves may be drawn to pictures involving these activities. But for the sake of simplicity, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you are focusing on landing a quantity of quality girls on OKCupid and not looking for one nerdy diamond in the rough. If you’re interested in that, there are sites out there dedicated solely to helping gamers meet and date. I wouldn’t be able to tell you how to get laid on those, though. In any case, the following activities (and many others) are acceptable, provided, that you have adhered to the other rules that I’ve laid out.     Hunting, fishing, or other outdoor activities Martial arts Any extreme sports (mountain biking, snowboarding, skating, wakeboarding, etc.) Endurance sports are fine (triathlons, marathons, etc.) How do I know this? I’ve tested dozens of my own photos and run trial and error profiles. I’ve analyzed my student’s profiles their results. Finally, I’ve watched some of my girl friends interact with men on OKCupid, paying close attention to their reaction. This is all based off of the actions and results I have observed hundreds of time over the course of doing online dating for several years. Cool, active hobbies -> You get labeled as adventurous, “fun”, etc. Nerdy, geeky hobbies -> You get labeled as - you guessed it - a nerd. 29 Rule #6 - More, more, more. Another myth the OKCupid “experts” like to spit out is that you should use every available photo slot you can. While you’re at it, you might as well link your Instagram, Facebook, and other social media sites for good measure. No, no, NO. As I’ve already covered, and will continue to harp on - when it comes to women, less is more. Women tend to speak, write, and just convey general nonsense a good portion of the time. It’s all just filler, and you’ll come to recognize this as you have more in depth interactions with them. In an ideal, healthy, and happy relationship, you will speak about half (or less!) of the amount that a girl does. The same experts telling you to wear your emotions on your sleeve and tell women everything are telling you to upload an entire photographer’s portfolio to your OKCupid account. Giving a woman a photo album of your entire life prior to seeing her in person is a ticket to pass go, and proceed directly to the Friend Zone. Don’t do it. For a very long time, I used only one photo of myself on my OKCupid profile. I had significantly more success with it than I did when I had anywhere from 5-10 photos. What made that photo so good?     It utilized my side profile, which is one of my stronger features It was black and white, giving it a little intrigue and mystery I had a guitar (massive attraction for girls) I presented more of a casual, laid back vibe and was not smiling. Girls don’t want a man who is too emotional This is why Rule #1 regarding picking the best of your pictures is so critical. On OKCupid, women are judging in a similar way a man would judge women, by looks alone. 30 Rule #7 - Don’t give her a reason not to respond As mentioned before, women are a fickle bunch. From the chapter regarding OKCupid myths, you’ll remember that women have a dynamic, ever-changing scale on which they judge men. It might be different based on where they are in their monthly cycle and I’m not kidding. The point of this rule goes hand in hand with #6 (less is more). The reason I started downsizing from a dozen pictures, down to three, and eventually to just one is that by showing too many photos I was giving women a reason not to respond to me. It’s better to show her three outstanding photos which turn her on, as opposed to uploading seven photos, one of which makes her say, “Eh.” 31 SUMMARY ▪ Rule #1: Start your profile off strong; the first picture should be the best. Get help from your friends to help you determine what your best picture is. ▪ Rule #2: If you’re going to go shirtless, don’t be in front of a mirror. Surfing, beach volleyball, or other activities where you are out having a good time are perfectly acceptable for you to rock the shirtless look. Pro tip: don’t be fat. ▪ Rule #3: Hot girls, yes. Other dudes, no. Babies, maybe. Puppies, absolutely. ▪ Rule #4: You are no longer in college. Therefore, retire the pictures of you doing the keg stand. ▪ Rule #5: Be careful about what hobbies you show in your pictures. Mountain biking or kicking someone’s ass in Krav Maga – cool. Video games and anime – not cool. ▪ Rule #6: Less is more. Enigmas, mystery, intrigue. Uploading your entire life’s timeline of pictures spoils the mystery for the girl. ▪ Rule #7: Keep it simple and don’t give her a reason to disqualify you off the bat by putting up a picture not worthy of your profile. 32 THE LIES On the right hand side of your profile, there is a box for small details about you; it contains the following information. You must fill this out. ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ Orientation Ethnicity Height Body Type Diet Smokes Drinks Drugs Religion Sign Education Job Income Relationship Status Relationship Type Offspring Pets Speaks The great thing about this little box is that it’s hands down your best opportunity to lie about yourself and get away with it. However, this must be done in moderation. I will explain in each section below how much you can get away with. ORIENTATION Options: ▪ Straight ▪ Gay ▪ Bisexual 33 The only acceptable answer to this is that you are straight. If you swing both ways and are truly bisexual, I would still list yourself as straight. Remember, there are no double standards between women and men. Instead, they are simply different standards. While most guys are turned on by a woman who is bisexual, women aren’t usually turned on by bisexual men. In fact, one of the OKCupid questions (covered in a later chapter) asks if you would be with someone who’s had homosexual sex. Most women answer ‘no’ to this. Therefore, it’s in your best interest to keep it straight. If you need help picking up dudes, go on Grinder. ETHNICITY This isn’t one I would lie about, because it will be pretty obvious you’re not black when you show up to a date with sunburn on your pale face. If you’re white, you should put white. If you’re Asian, put Asian. However, there is a bit of leeway for those with multiple cultures in their blood. For example, I’m a “Wasian” – half white, half Asian. I’d say I look more on the white side, but I do have darker (“yellow”) skin, dark hair, and sometimes I have the telltale squinty eyes. However, my best features, such as my green eyes, facial hair, and shoulders, are definitely more prominent. I like white girls more than other races; it’s just a personal preference. I don’t dislike Asian girls, but it’s much more hit and miss with them; I think they’re either drop-dead gorgeous or it just doesn’t do it for me. White girls have a broader “scale” that I’m open to. While I’m not going to argue race beyond this paragraph – for the most part in America, white people are the more “valued” race. They have higher prestige than Asians do. Therefore, I identify on my profile as white. You do have the option to list multiple, but since I’m a half white guy mostly attracted to white girls, I only listed white. Ultimately, it’s your call to make based off of your personal preferences and the demographics in your area. It may take some experimenting to get it right. 34 HEIGHT This is one of the things you can get away with lying about, and you absolutely should be lying if you're less than six feet tall. Girls will hold it against you if you're not up to their height standards, so you should give yourself a little boost, so to speak. Understand that you must be reasonable with this. If you're 5'6" but indicate that you're 5'11", she's going to realize it immediately upon meeting you, and won't be too happy about the matter. Two inches is the maximum amount you should add on to your height. This is all assuming that you are a charmer in person and can deflect any shit tests about your lie, or just be so damn attractive she simply doesn't care that you're a few inches shorter than what you claimed. Personally, I stand about 5'8" but have 5'10" listed on my profile. If you're 6' tall, congratulations - you're golden. No need to exaggerate. BODY TYPE Options: ▪ Rather not say ▪ Thin ▪ Overweight ▪ Skinny ▪ Average ▪ Fit ▪ Athletic ▪ Jacked ▪ A little extra ▪ Curvy ▪ Full-figured ▪ Used up Just like height, this is one of the things you should lie about if you don't have an ideal body. And again, this is assuming you can be a bit of a charmer in person. Your exaggeration(s) should be within reason. First, let's tackle guys who are naturally skinny or thin. Writing down that you are in fact, skinny or thin, isn’t as attractive as athletic or fit. However, skinny people are usually relatively fit. So just put fit or athletic. There are a lot of grey areas of what constitutes a body type on online dating. 35 On the other hand, if you're overweight, you need to be more careful. Under no circumstances should you put that you are full figured or curvy. Those are girly terms. If you're really big, and can't get by with putting average, just put overweight and own it. If you're 20 pounds overweight, put average. "Average" in today's world is pretty subjective, and girls abuse it to no end. If you actually are jacked, and have the pictures to show it, I would recommend downplaying it a bit and just putting that you're athletic. There is enough conscious hatred from girls on guys with ab pictures, so try to show a bit of modesty with this. Show, don’t tell. DIET Options: ▪ Anything ▪ Vegetarian ▪ Vegas ▪ Kosher ▪ Halal ▪ Other Tell the truth in regards to your diet. SMOKING Options: ▪ Yes ▪ Sometimes ▪ When drinking ▪ Trying to quit ▪ No Disclaimer: I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. Smoking has a pretty big stigma against it in modern American culture. If you're using OKCupid in Europe, you can pretty much disregard this advice, simply because so many more people smoke on that side of the Atlantic. Here in America though, many girls are absolutely repulsed by a smoker. So even if you occasionally smoke, I 36 recommend putting no. If you’re a chain smoker, put that you're trying to quit, sometimes, or that you do when drinking. Under no circumstances should you put 'Yes' as your answer because this will absolutely be a deal breaker for nearly any girl who doesn’t smoke. This is obviously different if she smokes too, but you can see that on her profile and then bring it up if appropriate. DRINKING Options: ▪ Very often ▪ Often ▪ Socially ▪ Rarely ▪ Desperately ▪ Not at all Let's start with the easy one - 'Very often'. Don't ever put this, as it makes you look like a raging alcoholic. Even 'Often' seems kind of harsh. Instead, you're probably better off putting ‘Socially’ in most circumstances. Nearly everybody drinks socially these days, and this is your safest bet. Again, we are trying to eliminate reasons for her not to respond to you, more than anything. You’ll be meeting her for drinks on the first date anyway. So, even if you are a raging alcoholic, you'll be able to get your fix and pass it off as "social drinking". If you don't drink, simply put that. Many will respect you for this. The crazy party girls might not like this, but they probably aren't the girls that you're looking for anyway. DRUGS Options: ▪ Never ▪ Sometimes ▪ Often While the most I've personally never dabbled with in regards to drugs is a bite of a pot brownie, I think it’s fair to say that in today's culture, marijuana isn't really considered much of a drug. Many girls put on their profile that they are '420 friendly' but then 37 proceed to answer 'never' in the drugs section of their profile. It seems that marijuana has become so relatively mainstream, that it simply "doesn't count" as a drug. Therefore, it’s important to keep this in mind when trying to decide how to answer this question. If you smoke a blunt once or twice a week, you should go ahead and mark down 'never' on your profile. Even putting 'sometimes' can easily warp a girl's imagination into picturing you as a guy who shoots up heroine on a weekly basis. I will keep harping on this - do not give girls a reason not to message you back. If you are a person who does drugs often, and are looking for the crazy partying girl type - by all means, put sometimes or often. That’s likely the only type of girl you’ll attract, though. There's no arguing that drug dealers get a lot of pussy. RELIGION Options: ▪ Agnosticism ▪ Atheism ▪ Christianity ▪ Judism ▪ Catholicism ▪ Islam ▪ Hinduism ▪ Buddhism ▪ Other Option 2: ▪ …and very serious about it ▪ …and somewhat serious about it ▪ …and not too serious about it ▪ … and laughing about it Fortunately (or not, depending on how you look at it), a lot of religious standards have gone down in America in recent years. The number of good, religious girls waiting until marriage to have sex has dwindled drastically. I've found increasingly that religious beliefs simply don't matter all that much these days. The familial pressure to find a life partner of the same religion is nearly nonexistent because most people simply aren’t religious. There will always be some girls to whom 38 this matters deeply, but most of them don't really care what religion you practice, or your lack thereof. Personally, I’ve always left this section blank, and it’s never come up. SIGN I will admit that I don't know the first thing about astrology signs. Most men don't. To some women, it does matter, but usually they're kind of...out there. Mark your true sign and that it doesn't matter. EDUCATION Tell the truth. INCOME Options: Broken mostly into $10,000 incremented brackets until $100,000, then it becomes a larger gap. Income is something you should exaggerate a bit to swing the odds in your favor. Just like height though, you want it to be reasonable. I'll use myself as an example. I make an annual salary of $85,000, plus four weeks’ vacation, and a handful of other benefits. I also make some money from my blog and book sales, a few hundred dollars a month, but probably less than $5,000 for the year if you add it all up. On my profile, I have $100,000-$150,000 selected as my pay range. Realistically, this is roughly a ten percent increase from what I truly make. But, in a girl’s mind, it may bring up the possibility that I’m at the high end of that bracket. In reality, I'm lucky to scrape the low end of it, but she won’t know any better (and will imagine the best case for herself). Now, if you put that you make $250,000, but you live with roommates and drive a crappy car, some warning bells are going to go off in her head. But the majority of women are poor at money management themselves; the last thing on their mind is going to be trying to figure out your precise financial situation. So if you make $50,000, put $60,000. You can probably get away with $70,000 if you have a nice place to yourself. If you want a rule of thumb to go by: you can move one income bracket up from what your true income is. This will vary by location as well; if you make $100,000 39 in New York City, you’re borderline poor. If you live in Des Moines, Iowa and make the same salary, you’re a baller. It's all about the impression. Once you have her out on a date it should all become a moot point. Your charm should be enough. RELATIONSHIP TYPE Options: ▪ Monogamous ▪ Non-monogamous In any decent world, a man who wanted a deeper relationship, and eventually a family, would be able to find a woman worthy of developing this with. In an absolutely perfect world, that man able to bang new girls for variety's sake, while his wife stayed loyal to him. Men and women have different standards - not double standards. Hell, it used to be pretty widely accepted that as a wife aged, the husband would find new pussy on the side, but be discreet about it. You can never rub a mistress in the face of a woman you’re dating. Discretion is everything. As you start developing a harem of girls, you’ll learn that they're open to the idea of you seeing other people. They just want to know that they are special, and that you won’t make them look foolish. Arnold's wife never had an issue with his infidelities until he knocked up the maid, making her (the wife) look bad. Therefore, if you clearly state on your profile that you are seeking a non-monogamous or open relationship, it will make potential girls look bad in the eyes of others. Don't underestimate how often her friends will have scanned every inch of your profile prior to her meeting you. After implementing the lessons learned in this book, you will be able to set up a date for every single day of the week if you wish, but most women are going to be more selective. They will want their friend’s feedback on the matter, and this section could be a potential blemish on your resume. All it takes is one friend calling you a “non-monogamous pig” and your chances of a date are gone. Your best bet is to mark that you're looking for a monogamous relationship or just leave it blank. 40 RELATIONSHIP STATUS Options: ▪ Single ▪ Seeing someone ▪ Married ▪ In an open relationship In “Relationship Type” (note: this is “Relationship Status”) I stated that a girl will probably tolerate your non-monogamy as long as you keep it on the down low. Hopefully, if you are using OKCupid, you’re single to begin with. If you’re using it to cheat, then by all means good luck to you. Again, my recommendation is to always list that you’re single. If you’re using OKCupid to cheat, hopefully your girlfriend or wife doesn’t have friends on OKCupid, and hopefully you’re not stupid enough to actually message them.* *But if you do, please go down in a pile of flames and send me evidence. I’ll be sure to feature it on my blog. If you truly are in an open relationship, you have more options. It seems to me that you would be better off getting these girls on a date, banging them, and then coming clean about your relationship. If they choose to walk, so be it – you already got the notch. The whole point of an open relationship is the variety. You got the variety in the form of a new pussy to pound, but you’re not actively shopping for a replacement girlfriend. Therefore, let her go. If you keep your cool, she might even come back. OFFSPRING Options: ▪ Has a kid ▪ Has kids ▪ Doesn’t have kids Option 2: ▪ Might want kids ▪ Wants kids ▪ Doesn’t want kids Seeing that I don’t have kids, I’m obviously going to always tell the truth. On a dating site designed with the target demographic of singles in mind, I’m not going to have that 41 held against me. If I had a kid though, I wouldn’t put it past myself to lie about this. For success, you should make this decision based off of your individual situation and the type of girls you desire. Of course, you must keep your target demographic, as well as your own age and sexual market value, in mind when doing this. If you’re 45 years old, scanning for 35 year old women – they’re probably not going to care if you have children. If you’re a 33 year old man looking for 20 year olds - it’ll likely be a deal breaker for them as far as any long term relationship goes. However, if you’re in the position to chase much younger girls, you’re probably not on the lookout for a serious relationship. Use your best judgment and lie about your rugrats if needed. PETS Option 1: ▪ Has dogs ▪ Likes dogs ▪ Dislikes dogs Option 2: ▪ Has cats ▪ Likes cats ▪ Dislikes cats I will start this section off with a warning – any girl that claims to dislike dogs and likes cats probably has something seriously wrong with her. If she has numerous photos of her cat(s) or references to them on her profile, proceed with extreme caution. Yes, I know its cliché. How can one not love dogs though? Cats are animals for old ladies who had too rotten of a personality to get a man to commit to them. Therefore, they acquire the devilish little felines as a poor substitute. I think they like the challenge, considering that cats rarely listen to any commands. If you want to keep all your options for quick lays open, you shouldn’t list that you dislike anything. If a girl has pictures of her cats throughout her profile, then looks at your details box and sees that you dislike cats, it’s a potential deal breaker in her eyes. Long-term compatibility is a different animal, but you can figure that out later. 42 LANGUAGES Options: Too many to list This is your chance to make yourself look like a well-traveled man. The only time you can get screwed is if she actually speaks the language and tries to converse with you in it. If she does it online, use Google Translate to look like a genius. Be aware that she will probably try to speak the language in person, and you’ll look like a fool. I know from experience. If the language is obscure or rare enough though, you’ll be able to sneak by. When you select that you speak a language, you have the option to select your fluency in it. The options are: ▪ ▪ ▪ Fluent Okay Poorly In my case, I obviously speak English fluently. I’ve spent the last five years of my life in a combination of San Diego and Los Angeles, and speak a little Spanish. While I took two-plus years of it in college, I don’t remember most of it. I could order some tacos off of a menu, but couldn’t talk myself out of jail if I was stranded in Tijuana. Around here, everybody “speaks” Spanish; i.e. took it in school and then forgot it. If this comes up, I throw out that I recently spent time in Barcelona, Spain – and how the “España Spanish” there differs greatly from the “Mexican Spanish” spoken here in Southern California. I also went to Poland recently and learned how to say “Nostrovia!” which is an oftenmispronounced form of the Russian word used to make toasts. It can also translate to “good health”. Yes, that’s the only Polish word I speak. Does that stop me from stating that I speak it poorly on my profile? Hell no. If a girl actually speaks Polish, I’d be in trouble, but I could counter by having some actual knowledge of the cities and culture, which most Americans wouldn’t. Meanwhile, I can impress any American girl with my one word knowledge of the Polish language. 43 SUMMARY ▪ The detail box is very important, because it provides girls a quick FAQ into your life. ▪ If your ethnicity has “flexibility” you should use it to your advantage to appeal to your desired demographic. ▪ Exaggerate when you can – things such as income, height, and languages. ▪ Keep your lies within reason – the jig is up if you say you’re 6’2” but are only 5’6” in person. ▪ Frame yourself in the best light possible at all times. ▪ Don’t give her a reason not to message you back. 44 THE QUESTIONS OKCupid has a questions and matching system that rates your compatibility with girls via their algorithm. These questions range from sexual fantasies, politics, and general lifestyle information. While these questions won’t make or break you in the majority of cases, some girls do have specific rules that they won’t respond or go out with a guy who isn’t at least a certain percentage match with them. From experience, their rule is about a 70% match requirement. A lot of times I get asked: how many of these questions should I fill out? The correct answer is that you should fill out just enough to make it seem like you care, but not so many that it looks like you have no life beyond filling out OKCupid questionnaires. You should answer a minimum of fifty questions but I would not recommend filling out more than about two hundred. For those of you brand-new to OKCupid, I’ve yet to discover exactly how many questions you can answer. I’ve seen girls with over three thousand questions answered on their profile. Again, the number that you answer won’t make or break you, and it’s likely that you your total questions answered will add up over time. I highly recommend answering specific questions that you care about - because later on in the book, I’m going to discuss how to use the way she answers her questions to screen her for sex, personality, and overall compatibility. You will not be able to see her answers unless you have answered the questions yourself, so to screen her, you’ll need to have some questions filled out. Personally, I don’t care about a girl’s political beliefs, ethics, even her hobbies. I only care about those if they’re the same as mine, and if they’re not, I’m just hoping they occupy her enough to not get on my nerves by being needy. I am most concerned with her views on sex and relationships, along with her overall attitude. Therefore, I rarely bother answering any of the “ethics” or “political” category questions because I don’t want to give her a reason to disqualify me. I’d recommend steering away from those questions. As a man, which are you more interested in hearing her answer to? 45 A.) Communism, in concept:     Good Bad Same as capitalism No idea / this questions doesn’t interest me B.) Say you’ve started seeing someone you really like. As far as you’re concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?     1-2 dates 3-5 dates 6 or more dates Only after the wedding I don’t care about her opinion on Question A. Do you believe most women have a good understanding of communism and capitalism anyway? Even if they do, talking about that on a date would a raging boner go limp. On the other hand, Question B tells us a lot about a girl and her sex drive. Therefore, there’s no sense in answering Question A and potentially giving her a reason to disqualify you (despite her probable lack of knowledge regarding Communism). The algorithm used by OKCupid isn’t as simple as answering these questions and moving on to the next. Once you’ve answered a question, you then have to select the answers that you’ll “accept” in a match and place an importance on it. Note that even if a girl selects an answer you won’t accept, it does not block you or stop you from messaging each other. Rather, it simply has a more drastic effect on your match percentage, for better or worse. Using Question B from above, I’ve bolded the answers I would “accept”. B.) Say you’ve started seeing someone you really like. As far as you’re concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?     1-2 dates 3-5 dates 6 or more dates Only after the wedding 46 I’m not a total player. I don’t mind going out with a girl a few times before we hop into bed. However, there is no way I’m shelling out money for “6 or more” dates without getting a return on my investment, so I’ve marked the first two options as answers that I would accept. Once I do that, I’m prompted to place an important on this question. The three choices are:    A little Somewhat Very This is something that’s very important to me, so I’d mark it as ‘very’. Therefore, if I come across a girl who has stated she will only have sex after the wedding and she also marked it as ‘very’ important, it will skew our match percentage much farther down. With today’s modern dating, I want nothing to do with that bullshit when sex is so readily available, so I’ve got nothing to lose by being honest here. After observing my girl pals interact with men on OKCupid, they don’t usually dig too deep into the questions on your profile. They’re too busy answering the dozens of messages they get from guys. Secondly, they love answering the questions themselves. These questions are “chick crack”, just like the quizzes in Cosmopolitan magazine. Most of them are too self-centered to be bothered reading the questions of their potential dates, preferring to just answer hundreds or thousands about themselves, and giving you plenty of information about themselves. The OKCupid algorithm provides a better matching experience than anything else out there on the market. To most people, it’s just another step of creating a profile – but it’s much more than that. It’s an extremely powerful tool that can be used to artificially increase matches with the girls you are interested in. 47 SUMMARY ▪ OKCupid’s algorithm matches you with girls based off of your answers to a variety of questions. ▪ Many girls will have a “minimum match percentage” to go out with you, it’s usually about 70%. ▪ Fill out just enough questions – somewhere between fifty and two hundred. ▪ Answer the questions you care about – Communism or sex? ▪ Placing a higher or lower importance on a question will have a higher impact on your match percentage. ▪ Girls don’t read your answers often, as they’re too busy answering their own questions or responding to messages. 48 THE SEARCH Regardless of what anyone tells you, dating (especially online) is nothing but a numbers game. Over time, your numbers will improve. This means you’ll have to message fewer girls to get more phone numbers. A lower percentage of girls will flake on their dates with you. Best of all, you need to go on fewer dates to get laid. In order to improve all of these variables, you must establish a systematic way of doing things. This way, you can track your progress, and consciously improve things bit by bit. Based off the questions you’ve answered, and deemed appropriate, I highly recommend using some of OKCupid’s filtering options when deciding which girls to message. When you are browsing, you can filter by the girls who are the best match for you. Why would you do this? Because they are more likely to agree with your views on such as sex and dating, which are the things that you really care about. Generally, the higher match percentage you are, the more likely it is you can get her onto a date and into bed quickly. On top of that, some girls have a minimum match percentage that you have to meet for them to answer you, or meet up with you in person. Of course, this is a subjective rule to them that they will break on a moment’s whim, just like their rule of no kissing/blowing/sex on the first date. Having attractive photographs and a well-written profile will win over most girls. When you click “Browse Matches” to search for girls, you will have six options to specify, and even more if you are an A-List member. Option #1: How do you swing? This is where there are only two options for you to select:     Interested in men Interested in women Interested in everyone More orientations… 49 The first option is for straight women, the second for girls who like girls, the final for those who are bisexual, or “bi-curious” (keep in mind it’s a cool thing to be bi-curious in today’s world). The ‘More orientations…’ option gets into all sorts of gender identity classifications that are beyond the scope of the book. Simply put, you want to search for women who like men, and perhaps women that like other women. If you have a problem with a woman who likes other women, that’s your choice. I personally have no problem with it. Most of you reading this book probably don’t, either. Obviously though, you don’t want to discriminate against the good, virginal, Christian women who do not support gay marriage. If you want to search for men…well, I don’t know why you bought this book in the first place. Option #2: Age This depends on how old you are and what age you’re looking for. I’m 23 years old, and I often get along quite well with girls a few years older than me, so I run searches for ages 18 to 26. I have found that anything older than this won’t usually return my messages based off of their pre-conceived notions about men my age. I’ve experimented with running multiple profiles with two separate ages (I can pass for being about five years older than I actually am), and I go into this in more detail later in the book. Option #3: Distance Distance is a search filter that is subjective to your individual living circumstances. If you live in Manhattan, you’re probably okay setting a 15 mile radius. Any girls that live in the outer boroughs will likely be willing to make the trip to you if you have a sweet bachelor pad in Manhattan. However, a 50 mile radius in New York will get you pretty far out there, with girls who are going to be much, much more difficult to convince to come meet you. Nor is it worth your time to travel to them, when you have millions of women in a small square mile radius. I lived in San Diego for the past five years, and I usually used a radius of 25 miles. San Diego is a very spread out city, and it was fairly easy to cover 25 miles during off-traffic hours (i.e. no more than about half an hour). However, I’m living in Los Angeles now. In this city, it could potentially take you two hours to go fifteen miles via car. Therefore, I have a maximum distance of ten miles set in my profile. Occasionally I expand the search area to some further neighborhoods, but I adjust my expectations accordingly. 50 Most girls are getting so many messages that the idea of driving an hour to meet you is not appealing. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere. If you have the unfortunate circumstance of living in a small town where there simply aren’t a lot of women, you may have no choice but to expand your search radius to 50 or even 100 miles (the maximum is 500). This is up to you. You must set ground rules as to how far you are willing to drive to meet a girl for a single drink. After all, a first date is only a feeler. 100 miles is a lot of time and money invested to have a single beer if she turns out to be a dud. While I’ve never had to deal with this myself, I think a good rule of thumb is if you live in a small town, be willing to drive 45 minutes. If she lives two hours away and is willing to drive an hour, you can make an exception. Every situation is different, but 45 minutes is the maximum time I would personally be willing to spend on the road. Remember, your time is valuable. How you manage your driving time, gas expenses, and other personal hobbies is up to you. However, wasting large amounts of time on dates that go nowhere is a fast way to discouragement and disappointment. ** The following is very important to note about searching by distance. ** OKCupid has some brilliant algorithms and programming behind it, but that does not mean it’s bulletproof. One day, when I was experimenting with getting the best matches by distance, I came across a dirty little trick. Let’s say you are using a search distance of 25 miles, which returns hundreds of results in a large city. How you choose to filter your match results will impact which girls are matched to you, but the distance you specify has an even bigger impact. I discovered that once I cut my distance down to 10 miles, there were dozens of girls who didn’t appear in my initial search for girls within a 25 mile radius. Once I cut down from 10 miles to 5 miles, the same held true. Dozens of girls that were closer to me and were just as high a match as girls 20 miles out were showing up for the first time in my search results. Thinking it was just a random process, I would make note of a profile name and then run the search at a 25 mile search radius again. To my dismay, I discovered that these 51 girls didn’t show up. To verify this, I would scroll all the way down until OKCupid did not give me any more matches, then run searches with my browser’s find function – nothing. This is a pain in the ass, but a good trick to know. If you choose to only search by one larger distance you will actually be limiting the girls closer to you that turn up in your search results. You should consistently rotate your search distance to return more matches. Option #4: Online Time The fourth option is the most critical piece of the puzzle in getting responses online. You should only message girls if they are “Online now!” There is no circumstance where you should message a girl for the first time if she’s not currently online. Prior to the age of smartphones, people usually checked their email only at specific times throughout the day. Your average person would typically check their email in the morning before work or school, again on a lunch break, and then once that evening. During those timeframes, all email business was conducted, meaning all email was read and responded to. If the person checked their email at 7:00pm on the dot, and you didn’t send your email to them until 8:00pm, then you were out of luck. You’d have to wait until the cycle started again the next morning, or call them on the phone. Of course, nearly everyone these days is connected to their email on a 24/7 basis. However, OKCupid is not nearly as main-stream as email. Many people only have specific blocks of time in which they check their profile and respond to messages. Before you insist that OKCupid pushes notifications directly to their phone, much like a text message or email, you must realize that many people disable those notifications, including yours truly. The reason they do this is because they don’t want online dating messages flooding their phones constantly, especially when other people are around. If your phone is on the table during a meeting, it’s one thing to have work emails or text messages coming in. Those are expected. But it doesn’t look good if you have OKCupid notifications blowing your phone up while trying to get some work done. Therefore, if you message a girl who hasn’t been online for several hours, don’t expect her to get a notification and immediately log on to the app, or OKCupid.com itself via a computer, to read your message. In fact, if you message her while she is offline – you’re going to get buried beneath all of the other guys messaging her. If you get a response, 52 it’s luck. I’ve personally witnessed female friends sign on to OKCupid, see three dozen messages, and just close the browser window. Who the hell wants to read 36 messages after you’ve already been working all day? You take a good bit chance out of the equation if you simply follow the rule of only messaging girls who are online. It’s important to note that OKCupid will still continue showing them online for an hour (or more sometimes) even after they’ve closed the app or their browser. The next step is to further increase your chances of catching her online by messaging her during peak hours when she is most likely to be online and able to respond to you. What time are peak hours? The best day to message girls is on Sunday, hands down. Most people run errands and are out and about throughout the day, but there is rarely anything to do Sunday evening. This is “social” time for girls to play on their smartphones. The time between 5:00 and 10:00pm is a solid bet. As far as weekdays go, it’s pointless to message girls during the day. Most of them are at work or at school – the ones at home are the ones already taken by a husband who makes enough money (and hopefully aren’t on OKCupid). Remember what I said about people disabling notifications – it’s unlikely that she’ll be checking and responding to messages throughout the day. Weeknight evenings are also good, though not as profitable as a Sunday evening. Anytime from 6:00pm to 10:00pm will result in success. You can continue on later in the night, but the messages will tail off the further it gets into the night. Sometimes you will message a girl in the evenings and she’ll respond the following day. Of course, if you truly want to maximize your potential, you should turn your notifications ON and respond to her. I’ve found if you reply within five minutes, it won’t make or break you. Some advocate waiting twice as long as she took to respond, but you’re more likely to simply get lost in her inbox if you play that game. This isn’t direct texting, though it can seem like it. As a man, getting lost in the inbox isn’t going to be intuitive because your inbox doesn’t fill at the speed of an attractive girl. You should always avoid sending a first message in the morning or anytime on a Friday or Saturday night. I’ve never dated a girl who was a morning person. The majority of them hit snooze multiple times, until they absolutely cannot stay in bed any longer, and then rush through their beautification process to start their day. On their way out of the 53 door, they grab a Pop-Tart to munch on in the car. They’re not going to respond to a morning message. As far as Friday and Saturday nights go, I don’t think much of an explanation is necessary: you should be doing things other than OKCupid, and girls know this too. In some cases, you will be in the middle of messaging a girl and she doesn’t respond. You then see that she has gone offline, as indicated by the lack of a green dot in your chat box, to the left of her photo. When she is not online, the green dot will be absent. When this happens, don’t be dissuaded. If you have built up enough rapport, she will message you back when she comes back online. She’ll most likely be looking forward to your message, so you are less likely to fall through the cracks. What often happens next is that she will message you while you’re offline (girls don’t worry about any of these technicalities, obviously). You don’t need to wait for her to come online before replying to her latest message. Be aware that you are playing a dangerous game of tag when exchanging offline messages. Online dating is already so far removed from real world interaction, swapping messages as close to real-time as possible helps to move the interaction forward into the real world. Once you start playing tag, it’s important that you move to get her phone number and take things off of OKCupid. To do so, you can use a closer like this: You seem cool. I hate playing tag on here like this, it’s tedious. Plus, all illusions we have will be gone once we meet in person. Shoot me your phone number and we can talk more. You’ll notice that that closing message has some key points: 54 ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ “You seem cool” - You recognize the rapport or chemistry you two have “I hate playing tag on here like this, it’s tedious “- You are basically dismissing OKCupid itself, calling it tedious. Of course, she will agree with you on this, what sane person wouldn’t? Remember, women follow – they do not lead. “Plus, all illusions we have will be gone once we meet in person.” – Again, she isn’t going to disagree with you on this, and it will plant the seed for a meeting. “Shoot me your phone number and we can talk more.” – ABC, Always Be Closing. It is your job as the man to move the interaction forward, and this is a very direct and confident way to do so. Or… You seem cool. I hate playing tag on here like this, it’s tedious. Plus, all illusions we have will be gone once we meet in person. How about a drink to see if we have chemistry? (Question mark is optional) Obviously this message is nearly identical to the one above, but the last sentence is much stronger. If you feel your game has been effective enough, you can go for the kill. If you are correct in your assessment, she will agree to the date and send you her phone number in her response. Option #5 – Advanced The last criteria option you can set when searching for girls is under the “Advanced” tab – which opens up a brand new world of possibilities as shown in the screenshot below. 55 If you didn’t already pick up on it, these are all of the things that we discussed in the critical ‘The Lies’ chapter. This allows you to search for women who have met specific qualities in the detail box. It can open up many possibilities. For example, if it’s your thing, you can search for women who are taken. Be aware that a husband or boyfriend may come after you for this. If you run a search for “Are not single”, you will probably be surprised how many women on OKCupid are in open relationships. You can use these filters to search for whatever you’d like – shorter girls, girls who make a lot of money, or girls who don’t have kids. Probably the most valuable filter you can use though is to screen a girl by what she is looking for. It is not a bad idea to filter for girls who have openly checked that they are looking for casual sex. These will often be girls who are open to a quick fuck – and are more inclined to at least get offline and in person with you quicker. The sooner you get her off the Internet, the better your chances of having sex. Of course, the most valuable filter, body type, is only available if you subscribe to the AList on OKCupid. 56 While many girls blatantly lie about this, you could at least eliminate all of the ones that fall under the fat category to save you time while running searches. If you think this is worth $9.95 a month – by all means, knock yourself out. ORDER BY Now that you have applied the filters you want, you’re ready to find the next slut to take to pound town. Before you do that though, there is one more thing you need to set – the order by which the ladies are returned to you in, from top to bottom. Your options for this are as follows. I recommend sorting by the match percentage. This will put the girls that you are most compatible with at the top, and the least compatible ones at the bottom. This makes 57 logical sense – OKCupid’s questions do a pretty good job of matching you up. I have more fun on dates with girls who are higher matches, on average. The best part about sorting by match percentage though is it allows you to weed out the Secret Internet Fatties that I mention in later this book. I am an active and athletic person who keeps in shape, and hopefully you are, too. Though girls don’t hesitate to lie about their body type and manipulate camera angles to their advantage, it seems most will at least answer questions about their lifestyle somewhat honestly. So when you answer questions, assuming you are placing a high emphasis on the fitness and lifestyle questions, you will naturally have a higher match percentage with girls that live a healthy lifestyle, and a lower match with girls who are fat. The hot ones go to the top and the fat ones fall to the bottom; no pun intended. This is not a perfect formula. You will have hot girls who are only 40% match with you, so it’s important to still venture down to the depths and weed out the fatties on occasion. One last note on matches: some girls do not answer any questions, which causes them to have a zero percent match percentage with you. As a result, they will be at the very bottom. There can be some real gems here, so make sure you scroll to the bottom of the list, or filter by enemy, and send them up to the top. HIDING Finally, when you are searching for girls, you would do best to “hide” the girls that you have already messaged. This will make it so that they no longer will show up in your search results, but you can still message with them (“blocking” puts a stop to all messaging). The obvious reason for this is to reduce the clutter in your search results. There’s no point in getting a search returned for dozens of girls that you have already messaged. Hiding these girls speeds up the process. There is one other reason to hide them. Most of you reading this probably have smartphones. If so, you should be using the OKCupid app – checking it periodically throughout the day and responding to messages. However, if you run a search for new matches on the app, it doesn’t tell you which girls you have already messaged. 58 For example, on the actual OKCupid.com website, if you have already messaged a girl and she shows up in your search results, the bar shown at the bottom will be grey. Again, the app does not show this, so unless you have an extremely accurate photographic memory, you will end up messaging the same girls repeatedly, spamming your inbox with their responses of rage. A girl you have not messaged will show a red, yellow, or green bar as below. For the record, red means that she rarely responds to messages, yellow means she sometimes does, and green means she almost always does. Typically, red bars are girls that are hot, green bars are girls that are ugly. Here is what the different bars look like. Rarely responds, probably at least cute. Sometimes responds, probably a 5 at best. Often responds, likely hideous. 59 Using the various options that OKCupid provides to search and screen for girls can save a man hours of precious time. Rather than wasting time looking at girls who are of little interest to you, learn to manipulate the functions of OKCupid to yield a high return on your investment. 60 SUMMARY  Online dating is a numbers game – and using OKCupid’s filters will skew the numbers in your favor.  Some girls have a minimum match percentage needed to meet up with you, but they’ll break that rule if you’re attractive enough.  Set ground rules for how far you’re willing to drive to meet a girl.  Change your distance filter often – it will result in more matches that previously didn’t show in your results.  Only search for girls who are “Online now”.  Sunday evenings are the best time to message, and weekday evenings are good to. Never message a girl on a Friday or Saturday night.  The best filter search, body type, is for paying members only.  Hide the girls you’ve already messaged to increase efficiency. 61 THE SCREENING We live in a funny world at the moment. In modern times, real life seductions in bars and on the streets are much more likely to be seen as “creepy”. Meanwhile, online dating has transitioned from being a medium where desperate singles congregate, to a socially acceptable way to meet members of the opposite sex. Of course, without proper game, you’re certainly not guaranteed to lay quality girls when you starting meeting up with cuties from OKCupid. In fact, most of them are not high quality. This doesn’t mean they’re ugly, but rather, that most of them will be too shallow and dumb to lock down a good man while they still have their youthful looks. Even with low quality girls, when it comes to seduction, the more you try, the worse you will do. If you’re actively seeking a relationship, and bemoaning the fact that you don’t have a girlfriend, you’ll likely reek of desperation. For this reason, I firmly believe you should not be using online dating to find a serious relationship. It’s very possible that you might find one eventually, but it’s more likely to take dozens of dates before you actually meet a woman who is worth committing to. Rather than screening for a girl in the hopes of finding a relationship, while not pushing for sex, and dropping dough on expensive dinner dates, doesn’t it make more sense to treat them like disposable toys? Push for sex, don’t spend money on her, and guess what - if she’s truly a quality girl, she’ll find a way to hold off on the sex but still keep you genuinely interested in getting to know her. That kind of quality girl is not the norm. Therefore, you might as well get your dick wet in the process. To facilitate this, you can use the answers to her questions, as well as other details throughout her profile, to screen if she’s down for sex or not. The easiest way to do this is to examine the questions she’s answered, and sort them by the ‘sex’ category itself. Often, you’ll encounter a profile where she didn’t answer any sexual questions. Instead she has passed on many of them in an attempt to seem innocent. You’ll have to judge for yourself by messages and texts how down she is. If you get the vibe she is a prude, I recommend just moving on. There are more than enough other girls in the OKCupid waters to satisfy you. 62 However, if she’s answered sexual questions, these give great insights into how quickly she will hop into bed with you. The first question I look for is one I’ve mentioned in a previous chapter: Say you’ve started seeing someone you really like. As far as you’re concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?     1-2 dates 3-5 dates 6 or more dates Only after the wedding The second important question I look for is: Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?  Yes  No From my experience, these two questions alone will give you a great glimpse into her sexuality. I’ve found that if she says she’ll consider sleeping with someone on the first date, and says it will take 1-2 dates to have sex - she probably actually won’t go on a date with you, much less have sex with you. This is probably due to more men messaging her due to her supposed promiscuity. The second reason I suspect is that most women who put this are simply on OKCupid for the attention that is reaped upon them. It’s an ego boost. Granted, I did get one or two very easy notches from girls that listed the above answers to the questions. In the grand scheme of things, I’ve found they are usually just a pain in the ass and not worth the effort. On the other hand, the girl who answers ‘3-5 dates’ and ‘no’ will absolutely hop into bed with you on the first night - if you play your cards right. Most women in their “right” mind will rationalize that they are not sluts, would never sleep with a guy on the first date, and must be taken out at least a couple of times before being penetrated by your meat stick. It’s all just a system - so that when she does sleep with you on the first date she can tell her friends that sex “just happened”, much like a Disney romance. The ‘3-5 date’ girl is a slut who wants to appear classy. To me, these girls also come across as more normal, because what girl in her right mind really says that she’ll sleep 63 with someone on the first date? The ‘3-5 date’ girls usually have more reasonable expectations. They understand that this is the 21st century, and any worthy man would never wait until marriage to have sex with them. You wouldn’t buy a $300,000 Ferrari without taking it for a test drive, would you? These girls understand that they need to put out in a reasonable timeframe in order to keep you around, but also understand that they need to hold the sex card back a little bit in order to earn your respect. Biologically, they know this will increase the likelihood that you’ll commit to them, or even marry them down the road. With solid game, you can easily seduce them into bed on the first date because they are open to the idea of quick sex - but you have to make it “just happen” according to Disney protocol. The girl who says it will take six or more dates to have sex is a toss-up. I’ve been out with many of them, and while I couldn’t tell you how many I’ve slept with, I can tell you the majority of the time I simply don’t click with them. Often, these girls have a lack of knowledge about modern day sexual practices and are no fun to flirt with. If you play the questions game and get sexual, they respond with boring answers, and I’ve always just found the chemistry to be lacking. Not many people wait six days, much less six dates, to hop into bed together. Now, if she’s a genuine virgin, you may want to make an exception to this and go on a few dates with her. She could be a diamond in the rough, but this is so rare it’s barely worth mentioning. It’s also a good idea to be cautious of any OKCupid girl who claims to be a virgin. Age plays an important factor, too. There’s a huge difference between the washed up 35 year old saying she wants to wait six or more dates so you can wine and dine her (read: spend money), and the 18 year old who wants to wait because she is genuinely nervous around you and has only slept with one guy in her life. Your tastes are your own, and likely different than mine. You may care about her political beliefs, lifestyle, and other factors. While I weigh those characteristics in, they’re something I’d rather find out about in person. I can tune those factors out if it means getting her into bed. Once she’s yours, it’s easy enough to manipulate her into giving up her old beliefs in favor of your leadership. Utilize the sorting feature and figure out what questions are important to you. I strongly recommend picking five to seven of the “starter” questions (i.e. the questions 64 asked first by the OKCupid algorithm, which most girls will have answered. You’ll figure these out pretty quickly) and using these as a basis for meeting. If a girl has answers you aren’t happy with for four of the five questions you’ve deemed important (again, mine are based around sex) - then why bother meeting up with her? Going on a date will waste both of your time. It’s hard, but don’t hesitate to turn down a date. Rejecting a girl is one of the best things a man can do for himself. Because men are typically the pursuers, not the pursued, the amount of confidence gained from turning down a girl is exponential. Even more so if she’s cute. Therefore, you are better off just turning away from the ones who don’t pass your initial screening. Eventually, you will become so proficient at getting dates and sex that you will simply cease to care about flaking on a few of them. That’s when you know you’ve made it. OTHER FACTORS IN HER PROFILE While the questions are a good way to get standard information about any girl, there is more that can be gleaned from taking the time to read her profile. The problem is, you’re a high value man who doesn’t have the time to read every word of every profile. Generally I don’t read the profile until I’ve sent one of my standard openers and exchanged a few messages with her. If I think she’s an interesting person, then I’ll start parsing through the text of her profile. Many girls will state they’re just looking for people to “hang out” with, but you shouldn’t let this stop you. You must realize that as our culture goes further and further downhill, and deeper into using technology for dating, some girls believe they must throw this disclaimer out there. It’s their first attempt to ward off guys who are players, though they usually end up caving into them anyways. This is also known as their slut defense. This defense is even more likely the younger she is. Even if you read something like this, plow forwards with the interaction. 65 WARNING: GIRLS YOU SHOULDN’T BOTHER WITH Girls who don’t live in the city Many girls will switch their city to one that they’re considering moving to, or visiting. They’ll say that they just “want to see what the guys in my new city are like!” Unless she is in that city right then and willing to meet - these girls are a complete waste of time. They are simply window shopping to see if your city has better prospects than their current location. Granted, there are methods of long-distance, long-term game that can easily overcome this, but I’m assuming you bought this book because you were interested in dating and having sex with girls, not having pen pals. Again, it becomes an issue of opportunity cost. You are wasting time and resources that could be going to the thousands of other girls on OKCupid instead of the one girl who will have dozens of suitors willing to take her out if she comes to town, in the hopes that she’ll turn into Mrs. Right. Girls that actually mention their mental disorders I spent several years dating a girl who likely had bi-polar disorder. It’s no joke. I promise you, it will make your life a living hell. You’ll be shocked at what some girls will write on their OKCupid profile. While I appreciate their honesty, they don’t grasp the concept of putting your best foot forward and leaving your baggage at the door. You’ll have girls talking about how they have daddy issues, are prescribed multiple medications to cope with their depression, or give you their whole sob story about how they got knocked up at 16 and their “baby daddy” left them. Again, there are too many girls on OKCupid to exhaust your energy with girls that come with a plane full of baggage. Girls who state over and over again that they just want to be friends It amazes me how many girls go on a dating website and then clearly state that they only want friends. They’ll mention it in the first paragraph of their profile, the middle, and the end. On top of that, they will be sure to mention it in the first message they respond with. They also make it quite clear in their questions that they won’t have sex until at least after the sixth date, or more. 66 While sometimes it can be worth it to pursue these girls because they’re only playing hard to get, overall they’re simply not worth your time. If you want to pursue it, here’s what you do. Treat it like any other normal date. This means you do not ask her to dinner. You don’t ask her to a movie. Instead, you tell her (based off of her schedule) when and where you’re getting a drink. Once you get her out, you start touching her in a casual manner – light touches on the arm, for example. It doesn’t mean you grab her ass within a minute of seeing her in person. Eventually, you make the first move. If she recoils and says she really does just want friends, you can try one more time - or simply walk out. If she recoils and acts shy, it means that she probably actually wants to be kissed. You just have to have enough game to pull it off. It’s your decision to go out with these girls, or not. There are plenty of girls who are actively looking to date (and therefore, fuck) who won’t give you this bullshit. If you want to waste your time on the ones determined to friend zone you before meeting, by all means, but remember that I warned you. The Fatties While we’re on the topic of screening her profile, now is probably the best time to teach you about these awful wildebeests that prowl the lands of OKCupid. Urban Dictionary defines Secret Internet Fatties as the following: Usually known by the acronym SIF, a secret internet fatty posts photographs of themselves on social networking sites that are purposely shot so as to disguise their obesity. These are girls that manipulate every lighting, angle, and makeup advantage they can manage in order to fool you into thinking that they aren’t disgusting bovines. While many of them have faces that are relatively cute with their photo hacks, they’re actively trying to deceive you. You should never meet up with a girl from OKCupid without getting a full body picture of her. I speak from experience on this one. Some of them will protest and say that you’re being a shallow bastard - but so what? It’s the same as turning your profile down based on your salary of $30,000 a year. Girls are shallow too, just in a different way. You 67 are absolutely entitled to a full body picture of her so that you can make sure you are meeting up with someone who you are actually attracted to. This is not too much to ask. Block her number and delete if she refuses. So how do the fatties fool you? First and foremost, every girl is going to lie about her body type. As far as I’m concerned, ‘Skinny’ or ‘Athletic’ body types are the only acceptable answers in her details box, save for the occasional girl who puts average and actually is (at least by American standards) Here’s a rough translation of what the body types on OKCupid mean. ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ Thin/Skinny -> Usually truthful Athletic -> Average Average -> Fat, usually Curvy -> Fat Full-Figured -> Land whale Watch for a lack of body photos on OKCupid. Because if she has a good body, you can bet she will show it off. Be warned that many times they will put their boobs in some of their pictures, and it’s easy to fool yourself into thinking that’s a full body shot, because you’re distracted by those enormous cans. While there are exceptions to the rule, usually when a girl has big tits - it’s because she’s big everywhere else. She has lots of pictures with ugly and/or fat friends. This is even worse if she’s the cutest one of the group. She’s using her friend’s terrible looks to make herself more desirable. A 6 in a sea of girls who are 3’s and 4’s is going to look pretty hot at first glance. If she lacks exercise photos, this is your warning that she may be fat, or at least in danger of putting some weight on very easily. Most girls who are fit think of it as a hobby and lifestyle - and are dying to show it off in any way shape or form. Go browse OKCupid and take a look at all of the hottest girl’s profiles. You will notice a trend. Most of them will have some sort of photograph of them doing physical activity whether that be a Tough Mudder, Zumba, or yoga class. Use her questions to your advantage. The questions under lifestyle can give some insight into a girl’s exercise and eating habits. Here are some examples. 68 How often do you go “clubbing” (out dancing in bars)?  Lots  Sometimes  Rarely  Never If she is going out clubbing “lots”, then it means she’s likely pouring sugary, calorie rich drinks down her throat all night, and probably tops it off with some greasy Mexican food at the end of it all. Of course, a girl who admits to clubbing all the time is probably also a party slut, so just get that full body picture. Do you work out a lot?  Yes  No Can you run a mile without stopping?  Yes  No  Yes, and more These are obviously pretty self-explanatory. The first question is pretty subjective (I’d consider “a lot” to be two-a-days, most people would say 4 days a week constitutes a lot), but your average healthy person can run at least a mile. There are plenty of other questions that can help you determine, along with her pictures, if she is a Secret Internet Fatty. But your best bet - just ask for a picture. Any girl worth meeting will grant this request, and if not, you saved yourself an evening with a girl who didn’t deserve your time anyway. 69 SUMMARY  OKCupid questions are a key part of screening a girl both on her personality and how willing she is to have sex.  In today’s dating world, sex is common. If she is unwilling to give you what you desire (sex), do not give her what she desires (attention). Think of it as a business transaction.  To the previous point, realize that there are exceptions for every rule and judge accordingly. There is a major difference between women of different ages.  If a girl throws too many red flags, you are better off passing on a date with her.  Don’t waste your time on women who just say they want to be friends repeatedly, who are just visiting the city, or who actively tell you that they have mental disorders. They are waving the red flag for you!  Do whatever is necessary to screen yourself out of fat girls. They are deceptive creatures. 70 THE OPENING It’s easy to think that the opening message is the only thing that gets you a response on OKCupid. You wouldn’t believe how many search engines hits I get on This Is Trouble from people looking for exactly that – a magic bullet to have responses, dates, and sex fall straight into their lap without any real effort. The message certainly is a critical part of the process, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle. Now that you have a new and intriguing profile and pictures, you understand the most effective ways to search for girls, and how to avoid the Secret Internet Fatties, we can discuss opening messages. The best thing you can do to truly understand how mundane most guys on OKCupid are is to create a girl’s profile to do a little undercover work. Find an attractive picture of a girl on Google Images, don’t bother writing anything in the profile, answer a few questions, and let the action begin. Within a few minutes, you will have a flood of messages coming into your inbox. Usually, those messages are something along the lines of: ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ Hey Hey, how r u? Hey what’s up How are you? How was your weekend? Hey you’re really hot. Wanna fuck sexy mama? I think you’re pretty, I would love to take you out sometime. You know…if that’s okay with you. Once you have fifty of those messages sitting in your inbox, you begin to realize why girls sometimes don’t last very long on online dating sites. You also understand why they won’t respond to your messages, simply because there is no possible way they can. Answering their entire inbox would be a full time job, with the only payoff being awkward dates they can’t get out of soon enough. These messages are all unoriginal, 71 devoid of any emotional spikes (remember, girls like a roller coaster of emotions), and come from a position of the man being on his knees in front of her, instead of her being on hers for him. None of this is how one properly seduces a girl. The opening messages should be congruent with the rest of your profile. If you’ve taken a cocky angle, then your messages should follow suit. Even if they’re not necessarily cocky, your opening messages should portray the following qualities: ▪ That you’re not taking the whole online dating thing very seriously. You should give off the impression that you’re doing online dating because you are bored and looking to be entertained. ▪ That you can have fun. ▪ That you have outcome independence; your mood and well-being are not affected by her response, or lack thereof. ▪ Demonstrate your own value in a subtle way. ▪ Be creative and/or unique. Look at the messages I listed above for examples of what not to use. This doesn’t mean that you can’t use the same generic openers on all girls. So, what the hell do you say? I’m going to give you a couple of openers that I have used with great success over the last couple of years. On average, my response rate is about 65% over that period of time; some of these openers were more successful than others. Your success depends on how you have written your profile, your pictures, and how much she generally digs you. Over time, I really encourage you to experiment with new openers and see what works for you. What works for one man may not work for another. To run an experiment, it’s as simple as switching your city to one in a different state and tracking how successful the new opener is – simply by how many responses you get back. You obviously can’t track how many girls you get on dates since you’re not in that city, but you’ll get some rough numbers you can use to your advantage. One note though, I do not recommend switching to New York City. New York is probably the only large city in the United States where the numbers are in favor of men. When I ran an OKCupid experiment using New York City as my zip code, I was absolutely astounded at the results. I would recommend that you set your location to a 72 city that you know is notoriously tough on guys – I can personally tell you that Los Angeles and San Diego both fall into that category. Of course, I wouldn’t dare sell you a book about online dating without giving you a couple of openers. Hey, I’m looking for an accomplice. Do you qualify? 1.) If you were to rob a bank, what would you wear? 2.) Can you drive stick? 3.) Would you do a stealth robbery or would you go in guns a blazin'? Let’s break this opener down, step by step. In the first line, you make it clear that you’re not taking the online dating thing seriously, especially once she reads the rest of the message. At the same time, that opening sentence puts you in the position of being chased, rather than the chaser – flipping the script on her. Women love this. The rest of this message is good-natured fun. It shows that you can have fun, don’t give a shit what she says or thinks about you, and it’s creative. However, there is one thing you can do to take this opener to the next level. Add one unique thing about her profile at the end of this that gives her the impression that you didn’t just copy and paste this. For example, if she mentions in her profile that she drives a red Ford Mustang, you could make the opener this: Hey, I’m looking for an accomplice. Do you qualify? 1.) If you were to rob a bank, what would you wear? 2.) Can you drive stick? 3.) Would you do a stealth robbery or would you go in guns a blazin'? P.S.: Can we use your Mustang for the heist? 73 A real life example is below, though I got lazy and didn’t add anything personal. I fully advocate using copy and paste messages in regards to online dating. To do anything else is a waste of time. Who the hell has time to sit around crafting personalized messages for special snowflakes all day? Not a man who has four dates set up a week. Your eagerness will show through and make you like a chode if you take the time to craft a personal message to Ms. Princess. Some other ideas: Best message I ever got: "I want to lather you up in green paint and spank you like a dirty avocado." Do you have anything that tops that? For the record, I actually did get this message once. Not on my fake female account for testing purposes – a girl actually wrote that to me. A few weeks later I realized she had copy and pasted it from a guy who sent it to her. While that made me sad, I did manage to see the opportunity in this. For starters, the pretense of this message is that you have girls messaging you. That’s a start – it shows you’re a high value man. She doesn’t need to know that the chick who made that comment might be ugly as sin. The important thing is that another girl was interested, so maybe she should be, too. Not to mention, “lathering” someone up in green paint and “spanking them like an avocado” is hilarious. There are some real crackpots out there on the Internet. This clearly shows that you don’t give two shits about your OKCupid account. To you, it’s just a way to get some laughs. On top of that, it’s bound to make her laugh – and so 74 many girls have “make me laugh” on their 99 page list of qualities they require in a man (shocking, right?). Now, this next opener requires that you have a bit of common ground with her – meaning, yes, you’ll need to actually give her profile a quick read through. I’m a professional princess. And a stripper. I deal drugs on the side. I race triathlons. Mountain bike. I’ve been to the moon. I play guitar. I drink Dos Equis which makes me interesting. Only some of this is true. I noticed you like , too. Let’s get the obvious out of the way - you need to change some of the “realistic” parts of this (i.e. the mountain biking, guitar, triathlons) to suit yourself. I do all of those things. But overall, the theme of the message will stay the same regardless. She just has to have one thing in common with you – so if she says she likes beer, that’s your in. The next opener also requires a quick read of her profile. Hey (if it’s on her profile), I noticed you like , +1 for that. The only question remaining now is if you're a cool girl or a crazy one. My money is on cray cray ;) Of course, some of you will shudder at the idea of saying “cray cray” – but you’d be shocked how many girls will comment back on it, making fun of you – giving you a blatant invitation to flirt with them. This opener has a qualifier (whatever you think is cool), puts her in a position of chasing you (the +1) and shows that you have high standards (cool versus crazy). On top of that, it also shows you don’t give a shit about saying stupid stuff like “cray cray”. There you have it – some of the best openers that I’ve ridden to success with dates and lays while using OKCupid. You should save these openers, as well as any others you have, into a Microsoft Word document for easy use. This template will become your best friend, as the next chapter illustrates. 75 SUMMARY  Give serious thought to creating a fake profile just to see how bad most of the messages your fellow men send. It improves your confidence and makes you realize that you can certainly do better – the bar is low.  Your opener should convey that you are fun, aren’t taking OKCupid like a job, and that you don’t have high expectations.  Utilize the openers I’ve provided, but come up with your own over time, it will work better with your profile and your personality.  Save all openers into a template for easy access. 76 THE CONVERSATION A fair warning - this chapter is one of the shortest ones in the entire book, and for good reason. I don’t want to encourage you to spend hours exchanging dozens of messages with women. The good girls, who are serious about meeting and not wasting your time, aren’t going to need that many messages to give you their number or agree to a date. While it may take some fine tuning of your opening messages, profile, and pictures to start getting good response rates, rest assured that they’ll start to pour in with time. Once this starts happening, you can treat it much like how you would any other inperson seduction. Build a little comfort, tease her, utilize push/pull tactics, and eventually close the deal. The most important thing to remember is that you’ll have to do all of this again when you meet up in person. Do not think of your online messaging swapping and text messaging as a “first date”. When you see each other in person for the first time, it is back to square one with her comfort. So how do you fill the space between opening OKCupid message and going for her number? Ultimately, you will have to learn to fend for yourself with this. Copying and pasting will not always work. Once she replies to your message, it definitely doesn’t hurt to give her profile a once-over, and try to pick out some common ground. You can work this in at any point in the discussion. For example, if you use the bank robbery opener, she responds, and you decide to read her profile. You notice she wrote that she likes polar bears. Therefore, a conversation might go something like this. YOU: Hey, I’m looking for an accomplice. Do you qualify? 1.) If you were to rob a bank, what would you wear? 2.) Can you drive stick? 3.) Would you do a stealth robbery or would you go in guns a blazin'? 77 HER: 1) I would wear a catwoman suit! 2) No. 3) Probably guns a blazing, it sounds like more fun. YOU: Alright accomplice, you’re hired. I noticed you liked polar bears, do you think there is a way we could work one into our robbery plan? Is it goofy as hell? You bet it is. I’ll probably roll my eyes every time I read this. Remember our core rules of a good message and profile though – you need to give the impression that you simply do not care about the results you pull on OKCupid. Dorky messages like I’ve demonstrated above give you a carefree, alpha attitude that women are naturally drawn to. Another message I like to drop in the middle is one of the openers I’ve already mentioned. You’ll notice that many of my openers can also be utilized as standalone conversation pieces. You can use one as an opener and then a different opener for a filler message. The best thing you can do is to document all of these in your template and copy/paste them into your conversations, mixing them together as you exchange messages with cuties. The only question remaining now is if you're a cool girl or a crazy one. You could say the above after she says something to qualify herself. Give her a “+1” (play the “points game” – at five points you’ll buy her a drink) and then drop the line. After this, she’ll either embrace the crazy or deny it, so then you can drop the bank robber questions on her as a way of “judging how crazy (or cool) she is.” Here is an example: 78 From there you can segue into how absurd some of the other girls on OKCupid are; which qualifies her to you and paints you in the sappealing light of having other girls interested in you. Once she takes the bait on this, it’s easy to drop in another message that I already mentioned: Best message I ever got: "I want to lather you up in green paint and spank you like a dirty avocado." If she takes the bait on this and laughs, you’re off to the races. If this is your fourth or fifth message going back and forth (i.e. eight to ten total), and she’s dropping emoticons left and right, there’s no reason you shouldn’t just go for the number. It’s surprisingly easy to get girls numbers online. Some girls are very protective of their number as if it 79 was their social security or bank account number, but most girls have no problem when it comes to giving out their number. Is there a magic number on how many messages you should send before you go for the close? I hate to say it, but I haven’t found one. It all depends on the interaction itself. I’ve successfully closed a girl’s number after two messages, and also after fifty. It depends on how much she digs you, your “messaging chemistry”, and what kind of mood she’s in at that very moment. If she’s ovulating and you’re an alpha, you just might be in luck. However, as a seasoned player, you’re aware of how fickle the female emotions are. The best advice I can give you is to feel the situation out to the best of your ability. This skill is honed with time. Much as how you can learn how to calibrate the timing of a kiss to the most opportune moment, you’ll learn the same tactics for when to strike to move the interaction off of the Internet, into texting, and eventually to in person and the bedroom. 80 SUMMARY  Do not spend forever exchanging messages onlineYour conversations should be concise and serve the purpose of closing (next chapter).  It’s good to at least give her profile a glance once you have exchanged a few messages.  Copying and pasting generic messages will sometimes work, but you will need to be able to hold a conversation. Keep it cocky, but humorous, and maintain a strong, alpha frame of mind.  There’s no magic number for how many messages to swap. Keep in mind a girl’s emotions vary from hour to hour, sometimes they can swing wildly minute to minute. 81 THE REAL WORLD The most critical part of OKCupid is getting her off of the website and on to a communication medium where you can talk to her on a more personal level. As long as you are interacting with her on OKCupid, you are just another one of the men in the masses. To illustrate this, think back to a time in your life that you held a sales position. If you’ve never worked in sales, think of a time when you had to sell yourself – such as a job interview. For this example, let’s say that you work retail. In an eight hour shift, you might see 100 customers. When you first start the job, you are excited to talk to anyone and everyone. However, over time, your enthusiasm fades over the prospect of striking up conversation with these strangers. You start to judge people the second they walk in the door – you become able to distinguish those who’ll buy, those who might buy, and those whom are destined to waste your time. Eventually, you become almost robotic in your interactions with your customers – using the same openers, having the same conversations about the same products, and using the same methods to close. Sure, occasionally you meet a really cool customer with whom you have a great conversation with, but they are few and far between. Out of the 100 customers seen in an eight hour shift, maybe ten of them are actually interesting enough to hold a decent conversation with. Now, imagine you’re a girl that logs on to OKCupid every evening after work. When you first made your profile, you were excited to talk to everyone, and made a conscious effort to respond to every message. Over time though, the initial enthusiasm fades. All guys seem to send the same, half-assed messages, and your responses become robotic. You spend a couple hours reading and replying to messages. When you first log on, there’s 15-20 waiting for you, and throughout the night you get another 20-30. Occasionally you meet a guy whom you have a decent conversation with, but for the most part they are all the same. Much like your retail job, it becomes the same exercise in sifting through the garbage to find the people you click with. Until you get her phone number, you are another one of hundreds of chodes. If she is interested and not a time waster, you’ll have no problem getting her number, provided you have the balls. Realistically, you don’t need any balls to do this. Asking women out 82 online is a piece of cake compared to walking up to them and striking up a conversation. There is a reason I preach on This Is Trouble that you should still be keeping up your approach skills in the real world. Here are a couple very generic points in a conversation where you can go for the number close. On a high note This is the obvious. Pick up artists have preached this for years – make your move when she’s on a “high”, and then get out of there. For the most part, this concept holds true in the online world, too. If you’re are having a great conversation with her, and she’s using any kind of smiley faces, go for the kill. The worst case is that she says no, and then you just exchange a few more messages until she’s comfortable. The only caveat to this is that once you close her you’ll still have to continue the interaction offline. It’s likely the high will wear down. Compare this to a day or night game pickup, where, once you have her number, you walk away. Maybe you text her immediately after, or wait a day – the point is that you have the option to simply walk away and leave her wondering about you. The reason for this is because if you pick her up while in line at the grocery store, the likelihood of another guy hitting on her in the grocery store is pretty low. Granted, a night out with the girls might result in her giving her number to a couple of guys, but she may not even remember them (or you, for that matter - be high value!). OKCupid works a little differently than the real world though, because she might very well give her number to five different guys in an hour. Many women will do this and then narrow those men down to a couple who she’ll go on a date with that week. Therefore, if you are in the middle of a conversation and she gives you her number, you need to text her immediately so that you distinguish yourself, and so she doesn’t get you mixed up with another guy she is exchanging messages with. With OKCupid, you do not have the option to just “walk away” and pick the interaction up the next day. The best way to close on a high note is to take that momentum and immediately set up a date with her once you have moved on to a texting medium. On an…awkward note You will be surprised at how easy it is to deal with “awkward pauses” on the internet. When in person, you have to deal with fidgeting, body language, and a general sense of 83 nervousness. But, online you have all of the time in the world. If you run out of things to talk about with her over messages, just go for the close! You’ll be amazed how often this works. Most girls have a good social sense about online dating – they realize that they can only learn so much about a person through exchanging messages on a virtual interface. The awkward moments are easily rectified by subtly acknowledging them and taking steps to remedy it. I’ve found the following message to be extremely effective in these situations. For the record, I found this closer on a message board somewhere, but can’t for the life of me find the original post. If you find the original somewhere, please let me know so I can give proper credit. You seem cool. I hate messaging on here, it's tedious. Plus, all illusions we build on here are shattered within 3 minutes of meeting in person. In the end it's all about chemistry so...quick drink to see if we get along? :) If you think you need to establish a little more comfort with her, use the emoticon. If not, remove it. This closing message is very effective on a high note, as well. I don’t use any other “canned” closing messages – they are all very generic and to the point. Some examples are: ▪ ▪ ▪ Let’s get a drink. How about a drink? Let’s go out and see if we have chemistry. The closing message is one point in the conversation where you really must get to the point, while being genuine about your intentions. There is no sense beating around the bush. Get it over with, and either take her out for a drink or stop messaging her. You don’t have to “try to be friends” or any other incessant garbage that nice guys do. The true reason you want to be straightforward with the close will probably surprise you. Despite the common belief that girls have unlimited dates from being on dating websites such as OKCupid, I’ve actually had many girls tell me it is difficult to get actual dates. Yes, their inboxes are flooded with messages. Yes, they have lots of men propositioning them for phone numbers. Yes, nearly every guy on OKCupid wants to 84 have sex with them. Despite all of that, when it comes down to it, they don’t go on many dates because men don’t take the initiative. Often, a guy will get her number, they’ll text a few times, but he won’t ever man up and get her out. They will phrase their closing message as “let’s hang out”, which is simply not a strong close for online dating purposes. It can be used to great effect in person to make the date seem more casual and less seductive, but for an online closer it is weak. “Let’s hang out” is a phrase used by high school boys who are too scared to ask a girl out for an ice cream. When you phrase your closer that way, you won’t come across as a grown man, and women who aren’t in high school will hold it against you. If you use any of the openers I’ve mentioned so far, you will find that girls like to play a silly little game after you ask them out. Even though they will message you back and say; yes, they would love to go out with you, they insist on making you chase them one step further. She will drop a response along the lines of: Okay, that sounds good :) After someone asks you out on a date, and you don’t have any contact information for them besides a dating website, the logical thing would be to provide them with an alternative method of contacting you to set up a date and time. You would think that when a girl consents to going out with you - upon sending you the message with their explicit consent – that they would give you their phone number. It rarely happens. Don’t fret, as there is an easy way to take back control of the interaction. You text one thing, and one thing only: “number” No capitalization. No smiley faces. No date plans. Just one simple word which sends the message that you plan to actually set up a date, and that you are a man who will swat away her silly shit tests and games like the pesky insects they are. Moving the interaction on to text Once you’re in possession of her phone number, I recommend moving the interaction immediately to text. You are fresh in her mind, and if you play your cards right, you 85 can have a date set up for tonight, or later that week, within a few texts. It makes no sense to play the “wait to text her” game. If she gives you her number, you know that she’s already on a computer or phone, so it’s an ideal time to text. You are a new guy who she just gave her number to, therefore it’s reasonable to expect that she won’t play too many bullshit games with you – and you know she’s probably not “busy”. Busy is a word used by all girls as a nonsense excuse as to why they didn’t text a guy back. It could range anywhere from putting their dog down to taking a shit. Once you have the momentum of getting her phone number, continue it. There is one exception to this. If she goes offline and then sends you her number, say, five hours later – do not text her immediately. This will give her the impression you sit around on OKCupid all day waiting for messages to come flowing in, which lowers your value in her eyes. However, doubling her waiting time and waiting ten hours to respond is ridiculous. Remember how many messages she gets! She very well might have gotten another twenty messages on OKCupid since then. In this case, I recommend waiting around a half an hour to an hour to send her a first text message. Speaking of first text messages, there’s no need to go over the top to impress at this point. You’ve already done that on OKCupid – you don’t need to follow an entire seduction model over texting, too (unlike when you meet in person). Texting is a medium to set up a date, nothing more, and nothing less. Do not try to get overly flirtatious or sexual – it will just scare her off. Being simply normal in regards to texting will get you farther than you would expect at this point. If she’s already given you her number, there’s a good chance she’ll go out with you – don’t blow it. If you already have an inside joke together, by all means, use it! If I’d utilized the bank robbing opener, I might send something along the lines of: I’ve picked out a target for our heist, accomplice. Is your car ready for our getaway from the bank? Did you figure out what you’re going to wear for our robbery? This is callback humor. As you get more experienced with women, you will find that text messaging is not the only form of communication where callback humor can be utilized by. It’s a very powerful tool in the player’s arsenal. 86 Some other text openers you can use once you have her number are: So, our adventure begins. Hey , it’s from OKC. It’s my second favorite . What’s up? It’s your favorite sexy from OKC. I need a cool name for you in my phone. Again, you do not need to go over the top when you first reach out to her via text. Keep it simple, stupid. A common question I receive is whether you should pitch the date on the first text you send her. Personally, I don’t – I think it’s better to swap at least a couple of text messages before moving on to that. While the goal is definitely to get her out in person, and she appreciates that, jumping the gun and immediately proposing a date and time can make it seem like you don’t have other options. Instead, I’ve found it’s better to wait a couple, but not more than five to seven, texts before you set up the date. I’m going to use the bank robbery routine again. After I send one of the three text messages previously shown, a smooth transition would look something like this: Me: I’ve picked out a target for our heist, accomplice. Her: Ohhh, really? What is it? Me: The big bank on First Street. You’ll need to be on your game. Her: Hahaha wow, you’re crazy. Me: I know. So, when are you free to pull this off? Her: Well I work Monday through Friday until 6pm, this week I’m open on Wednesday and Thursday nights after that. Me: Thursday night it is. I’ll text you the place and a secret signal on Thursday. 87 Her: Okay sounds good! ☺ You’ve kept it light hearted, used callback humor, and set up a date with her confirmation, all within eight text messages. Let’s look at another potential example. Me: It’s your favorite sexy from OKC. Her: Haha hi! Me: I need your name, btw. Her: I’m Melanie and you are? Me: Kyle. So Melanie, when are you free for a drink? Her: I work all weekend, but I think I’m free Monday. Me: Monday it is. I’ll text you a place that morning. Her: Okay sounds good! ☺ You might be wondering why you don’t set up a firm time and place on these first text messages. Generally speaking, unless you are meeting her that very night, you want a good reason to text her to confirm on the day of the date. If she texts you to confirm, you already have her chasing you, which is a good thing. Do not relinquish this power. The day of the date, you want to text her with the time and place, with a decision already made. Do not ask her where she would like to go. Do not offer to go to her. Pick a bar near your house, and phrase the confirmation text like this. Bar ABC on XYZ Street. 8pm. Most of the time, they will text back saying that that sounds good. If that’s the case, just let it be. Show up at the date later and follow the rest of the advice in this book. For those feeling a bit more bold, I highly recommend the following. Bar ABC on XYZ Street. 8pm. Wear a dress. 88 If she agrees to this, she is already open to taking orders from you, which is a huge turn on for her. If she texts back saying that she won’t be wearing a dress, simply ignore it and tease her mercilessly once you are on the date. Tell her she’s a bad girl for not wearing a dress; you need to punish her, etc. For those of you, who want to be a little more daring but maybe not quite as bold as the above demand, try the following. Bar ABC on XYZ Street. 8pm. I like dresses and skirts. Hint hint ;) Don’t think too much of it if she disobeys your orders about wearing a dress or a skirt. Often, girls will come straight from work to the date. Like I said, just tease her mercilessly and make her chase you once you’re on the date. The next question I get after what opener to send is when to send the details on the day of the date. I recommend doing it around lunchtime or early afternoon. By the evening, it’s getting kind of late. If she plans on flaking on you, you’ll to know early enough in the day so that you can arrange another date or make plans with friends. Once the date is confirmed, your work is done. Enjoy the rest of the afternoon and look forward to being balls deep in a cute girl later. If she doesn’t have many pictures? Remember those secret internet fatties I talked about? Well, now is your best time to screen for them, as well as the girls who think its fair game to use a picture of them that is three years old. If she only has one picture, or you think she’s hiding a few pounds, you must ask for more pictures. Few things are worse than showing up and to find a girl who looked like an eight online turns out to be a five. The only fun you can have with such a date is if you truly don’t give a fuck, and see how far you can push her buttons before she walks out on you. As far as getting more pictures, the best method is to simply ask. Any girl worthy of your time will happily oblige your request to not get catfished. A girl who balks at this, calls you shallow, or questions your trust is not worth pursuing any further. Erase her number and move on to the next one. A simple text right after you’ve exchanged a few messages will suffice: Do you have any more pics? 89 I do not recommend you ask if she has any recent pictures - this automatically implies that she is deceiving you from the get-go by using old, and better photographs from when she was better looking, younger, or had a hotter body. Of course, sometimes the girls who are trying to hide the extra pounds won’t pick up the hint. She will have five photographs on her profile, none of her body, and then when you send the above text she’ll send you more photos without her body in the picture. If she does this, use the below text. How about a full body pic? Again, if she balks at this, she really is trying to deceive you and you should just move on. If she does send you a full body picture and she was hiding something, nothing more needs to be said. If she’s too fat for you, simply don’t respond. Is it mean? Absolutely, but she is the one who chose to be dishonest, so she had it coming. Perhaps sending her a strong message by not texting her back will encourage her to drop a few pounds. Do you call her? Believe it or not, there are still some people with the notion that a man who doesn’t call a girl on the phone and ask her out is a pussy. Sorry, but it’s no longer the year 2000. Texting has replaced calling as the primary communication method when it comes to seduction; at least until you move much farther down the road into a semi-serious relationship. But, we’re not on OKCupid for that – are we? You don’t need to call a girl to set up a date. In fact, she’ll probably think you are a weirdo for doing so. The majority of your online dates will begin with you never having heard the voice of your date. Sure, a girl here or there will insist on a phone or Skype call prior to meeting with you, and this is fine; but experience tells me that she won’t be as easy as a girl who will meet you after swapping a few text messages. Every woman under fifty in a developed country is 100% proficient with an iPhone and text messaging. Hell, even my eighty year old grandparents text me now rather than calling. If you absolutely insist on calling her before the date, make sure the first contact you make with her after obtaining her phone number is via text. There is no way in hell a 90 girl will pick up a number that isn’t programmed into her phone, and you definitely do not want to be leaving a voicemail – they are nothing but trouble. Voicemails are the death of seduction and you should never leave them. Never. 91 SUMMARY ▪ You are just another forgettable face until you get her off of OKCupid and move to a texting medium. ▪ You can number close her online at different times – both high and low points. There is really no such thing as an “awkward” moment online – in fact, you can use them to your advantage. ▪ Use a closing message that’s strong, and implies you understand OKCupid is not a way to get to know someone. ▪ If she agrees to a date and doesn’t offer a number, which happens often, simply text “number”. ▪ Use callback humor, if available, the first time you reach out to her via text. ▪ Do not get caught in text limbo – after a couple messages, move to setting up the date. ▪ Do not confirm the location of your date or the time until the day of the date. ▪ When you do confirm the date and time, do so in a direct manner. “Bar ABC on XYZ Street. 8pm.” ▪ Obtain additional photos if she doesn’t have many, and full-body pictures if she doesn’t have them posted on her profile. You do not want to get stuck on a date with a girl you aren’t attracted to. ▪ Phone calls…no. Voicemails…never. 92 THE DATE While this is a book on OKCupid, it seems it would be cruel if I gave you all of this information on how to get dates and then just left you on your own in regards to the date itself. You can be the most suave man in the history of the planet online, but if you don’t have some game in real life, girls will eat you alive in person. The first date should involve alcohol (obviously there are some circumstances where this isn’t possible; i.e. one of you doesn’t drink or she isn’t 21 – pussy isn’t worth jail time!), should be near your apartment, and should generally be casual. Some experts will recommend a two date model - one where you purposely cut the date off after a certain time limit, with the intent of simply inviting her over to meet you on the second date and making a move then. That’s your decision to make. Personally, I like the thrill of meeting and banging on the first night, so I’m more inclined to push the interaction as far as I can in the first meeting. Remember, a girl will never hold it against you if you push the interaction too fast, but she will hold it against you if you are a pussy. Let’s start with the first point above - alcohol. Alcohol is sex fuel, and it isn’t rape if you both have a couple of drinks and have sex. She is a grown woman who chose to go on OKCupid, go out on a date with you, and then have sex with you. Please, do not guilt trip yourself into not making a move on her because she had a couple of drinks on your date. Having one, singular drink significantly increases your chances of sex as opposed to staying stone cold sober - though that’s not to say it can’t be done. Now, if she doesn’t drink, or you don’t drink, then your options are a little more limited. Coffee is good, but can also be an easy path to the friend zone, so be prepared to push the interaction as far as possible in order to sexualize it. Museums and art exhibits can be good date venues – this is provided you like those sorts of things and can talk about them in an intelligent manner. Remember, girls like men who know more than they do. She wants to look up to you. A casual walk around the park with ice cream can be good fun, as long as you can keep up a good conversation. If she is under 21 but does drink (pro tip: most do), you obviously don’t have the luxury of going to a bar. You can invite her directly over to drink (more on this in a minute), or you can bring along some vodka and mix it in with something like a Sprite while you 93 walk around a park or the downtown area of your city. Just make sure not to get her too sloshed, and make sure she has a solid ride home - the last thing you want is to be responsible for an underage girl killing a few innocent people in her vehicle because you poured her two shots of cheap $7.99 vodka in a paper cup of soda. Dates you should always avoid regardless of whether or not there is alcohol involved include dinner, movies, and anything that prevents you from being able to actively touch her, which is a vital part of the seduction process. For example, it’s perfectly fine to order appetizers at a bar, because you’re right next to her and can cross that physical barrier. I don’t recommend it because greasy bar food soaks up the alcohol that helps her make the decisions to sleep with players like you, but you get my point. A dinner table is a massive cockblock. Moving on to logistics; picking a venue close to your apartment is absolutely critical to banging a girl on a date. Naturally, you should think of bars close to your apartment, preferably within walking distance. But, don’t throw out the idea of simply inviting her directly over to your apartment. I know what you’re thinking. “No girl in her right mind would ever just meet me at my apartment for our first date after we met online,” and you’d be right. The majority will not just waltz over to your apartment and spread their legs. But, you will be shocked how many will come right over to your pad. If you can skip “going out and then convincing her to come home after a drink or two” and get her straight to your apartment, your job is a hell of a lot easier. You can control how strong her drinks are, the music, the lighting, and the best part is that you get to be a lazy fucker – which will attract her more. She should always be working to please you. The more effort she puts in, and the less you do – the better. There are two ways you can get her to come directly to your apartment. 1.) Explicitly invite her over. Rather than “Bar XYZ, 8pm”, simply ask if she’d like to come have a drink at your apartment. Learn to make some good cocktails and ask her what she likes. If she says she likes gin, tell her you make a mean martini. I do recommend asking rather than directly telling her to come to your apartment – girls are far more likely to balk at this, and you don’t want to give the impression you’re not willing to meet in public. 94 I’d recommend a texting exchange something like the below. This would start after the first couple of text messages, swapping names, etc. Me: What do you like to drink? Her: Hmm, I like most hard liquors, gin and vodka mostly. Not a big beer person. Me: I actually have a great home bar, I make a mean martini. Want to come here for a drink first and then head out? From here, she’ll either give you a yes or a no. Of course, once she is already over, you don’t actually have to go out - it’s just another way of giving her plausible deniability. Her (to friend): “Well…he said we were going out after one drink, but then we had another drink and…sex just happened!” Her Friend: “OMG that’s so cute!!!” 2.) Or…you can be a sneaky bastard. It’s pretty easy for them to simply meet you at your apartment if they plan to meet you at a bar anyway. If you pick a venue just down the street from you, you could phrase the invite such as: Me: Bar ABC on XYZ Street. 8pm. Wear a dress. Her: Okay sounds good! Me, the day of the date: Hey just meet me at my apartment, parking will be easier and we’ll just walk over. My address is 123 ABC Street, let me know when you’re outside. Most will agree to this without any issue. Then, when she shows up, go down and give her a quick hello. Then make up some excuse for her to come up. It can be anything. ▪ ▪ ▪ I have to feed my dog, come up and meet him real quick, then we’ll head out. I have to piss, come up real quick. I just got a fancy bottle of wine from a client today (tip: buy the most expensive looking bottle under $10, she’ll never know the difference); want to have a quick glass before we head to the bar? 95 ▪ I was in the middle of taking a shit when you called, come up real quick while I finish wiping my ass. The key to this trick is to be nearly ready to go and already looking sharp for the date. When you go to greet her, you should be looking your best so she gets the impression you’re a safe guy. Granted, sometimes, they will really want to go out after you have one drink or she meets your dog. Either way, you’re better off because they have already been in your place, and they feel comfortable with it. The biggest shit test you will get for coming up to your apartment, with either one of the proposed methods above is, “What if you’re a serial killer?!” The best answer is: “I’m TOTALLY a serial killer. In fact, I’m going to cut you up into little pieces and stick you in my freezer. Then I’ll hang your head on the wall with the 50 other girls I’ve killed off OKCupid so far.” You must have the proper facial expression with this one! A smirk, or even a full smile will show that you’re just giving her a hard time. Do not say this with a deadpan delivery unless you want her running to the police station. Is it borderline lunacy for a girl to come straight to the apartment of a guy that she just met on the Internet? Of course it is! But, that’s what gets the vaginal juices flowing. What if you are a serial killer? The thought of it is terrifying, but fear is a more arousing emotion than safety can ever be. So while every part of their conscious being will scream at a woman to not go upstairs to your apartment, her subconscious will be thinking about what a confident guy you are to simply invite her over. Often, the subconscious wins, inhibitions fall away, and she sleeps with you. Setting up plausible deniability so she can tell her friends that sex “just happened” is a critical part of getting quick bangs. Control your excitement though, because most girls are not going to be willing to come straight into your apartment for a first “date”. This is to be expected, and you should plan your responses, budget, and nights accordingly. You are actually going to have to take most girls out to get them into bed with you. Assuming you are now going out for your first date with a girl off of OKCupid, you should set the first date at a place near you, as I’ve already discussed. When date time 96 rolls around, go through your usual pre-date routine. It should consist of a shower and other basic hygienic care – brushing your teeth, shaving or trimming your facial hair, cleaning up your pubes if needed, and dressing sharp. How sharp you want to dress is up to you. If you feel confident and comfortable in a pair of jeans and a basic solidcolored V-neck t-shirt, then rock that. I tend to sport a nice pair of jeans, dress shoes and a blazer, usually with a t-shirt underneath. This also varies depending upon the seasons and weather. The only rule I adhere to at all times is to wear long pants. Never wear cargo or basketball shorts. Doing so makes you look like a boy who can hardly dress himself. Because she is a girl, there is a very good chance she will be late. Don’t ever bother showing up on time to meet a girl for an OKCupid date. Best case scenario is that she’s late and you aren’t kept waiting - worst case scenario is that you keep her waiting for a bit – which signals your higher value. Personally, I’m OCD about being on time and can’t stand to be late anywhere, so my routine is to walk to a nearby bar and grab a quick drink there. I relax in that venue until she texts me to let me know she’s at the spot where I told her to meet me. Once I get her text, I pay the tab and take my time walking to her. Being five, or even ten minutes late is not a big deal – it’s actually a great demonstration of higher value. I greet her with a light hug most of the time. Sometimes, if she’s already sitting at the bar, I’ll just touch her back lightly. If she picks a spot that isn’t good (heavy foot traffic, not sitting directly next to her, etc.), don’t hesitate to direct her to a different spot. You are in control and making the decisions, not her. Order your drinks, and pay for the first round no matter what. To ask her to pay or worse, split, will absolutely be held against you. If she already has a drink when you get there, that’s fine, but offer to pick up the second round. Always pay in cash and then if you want a second round, tell her it’s her turn to pay. 97 SUMMARY  Whenever possible, the first date should include alcohol, which is sex fuel. Just one drink greatly bumps the odds in your favor. Ideally, the venue should be close (ten minutes or less) walk to your place of residence.  If she isn’t 21, she probably drinks anyway. Just be careful.  Girls will come to your apartment more often than you’d believe – don’t hesitate to just invite them over, or have her come up for some bullshit excuse before heading out – “I was in the middle of taking a shit when you called, come up real quick while I finish wiping my ass.”  She’ll probably be late, so one-up her. Hang out at home and pre-drink, or chill at another local venue while she waits for you.  Greet with a hug when possible, but don’t stress too much if it’s not feasible (i.e. she’s already sitting).  Always pay for the first round, with cash. 98 THE BOUNCE (Note: parts of the below were taken from a blog post I wrote on 11/20/14, which is here: http://thisistrouble.com/2014/11/20/questions-game/) At the start of the date, it’s vital to remember that when you are meeting for the first time, you must start over from square one. All of the attraction and rapport that you built over OKCupid messages and text messages is gone – you’re working with a clean slate. It’s important to make her feel comfortable, so start with basic “fluff” questions: where she’s from, hobbies, jobs, majors in college – the usual boring date questions. Don’t worry about her holding this against you, it’s an important part of getting to know at least a few things about each other before you plunge your meat into her snatch. Don’t talk “fluff” forever, though. It’s important to start sexualizing the conversation to begin turning her on. Talking about sex makes her think about sex, which turns her on. The best way to start sexualizing the conversation and making it really interesting is to play the Questions Game. The Questions Game can also be used to your advantage to get the conversation rolling again if things are stalling out. The best part is, for the rest of your date, any awkward pause can be easily ended by a simple, “So is it your turn or mine?” The Questions Game gives you a safe haven to ask the questions that you really want to know about a girl, but would normally get you labeled as a whack job if you just started blurting them out of thin air. This game allows you to judge how down she is to fuck, or whether your time would be best served by bouncing out after one drink. Transitioning to the Questions Game is easy. Sooner or later, you will get an opening, and you will get better at recognizing these over time. She’ll (hopefully) say something that you find interesting, and once that topic of conversation has died down, just say something along the lines of: “That’s cool, I like that. Okay, time to play the questions game. Have you played before?” Her answer to the question doesn’t matter. You set the ground rules as follows: 99 1. Rule #1 – “You get one question at a time – you cannot ask a question you have already been asked. Unless we run out of questions and want to do this for fun.” 2. Rule #2 – “You get one follow up question – meaning that if you ask what my dream car is, and I say Ferrari, you can ask me what color Ferrari I want.” 3. Rule #3 – “You have to answer every question honestly, no skips.” 4. Rule #4 (Optional) – “I get to go first.” They will often fake skepticism about the game, but they always warm up to it. She might throw a shit test at you, asking if you play this game on all your dates. You can just say yes and give her a smirk. The trick to the Questions Game is to start with relatively “innocent” questions, and then transition into sex. Some examples of innocent questions:    What is your ultimate goal? If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be? If you could re-do any part of your life, what would it be? And why? After you run through these three, I drop this: “Ohh, I have a good one. (Pause for dramatic effect). When was the last time…you had sex?” She might be shocked, but most girls will answer with just a little bit of prodding. After that, I continue dropping the sex questions.       When was the last time you masturbated? What’s your favorite position? What is your biggest fantasy? Do you like a man who takes control in the bedroom? Kinkiest place you’ve had sex? How many people have you had sex with? You get the point of this game – to talk about sex. If she’s fun, she will start asking you sexual questions back. It’s important to ask that final question about her number before she asks you! If you are a player with a respectable notch count, you’ll understand where I’m coming from on this. There isn’t a good way to answer that question. Say a number too low and she’ll think you have no game, say a number too high and you’ll give off too strong of a player vibe, resulting in her slut defense going through the roof. After we go back and forth with this game for anywhere from a half hour to an hour (or roughly two drinks consumed), I like to drop this: “Let’s get out of here and go back to my place.” 100 Note that it’s explicitly not a question. If she balks at this, that’s fine. My general rule of thumb is that I don’t stick around for more than two drinks unless she is going to continue footing the bill. I have plenty of other things to do, and I don’t want to give the impression that I am going to entertain her for the whole evening, even if all I’m doing is going home to take a dump. So, if she turns down the invitation to come over, stick around for a few more minutes to give the impression that you weren’t just trying to sleep with her, and then tell her you have to go and offer to walk her to her car. Most times, they’ll accept. I usually make my move somewhere on the walk; often starting by holding her hand and then just pulling her into me whenever I feel like it. I used to mess around with kiss-close gimmicks, but I have found that the best way to do it is just go for it without hesitation. I kiss her goodbye, bundle her in the car, and go on my merry way – walking back to my apartment because I picked a venue close to my apartment. (Note: If you don’t try to get her back to your place at the bar, being lazy and asking for a ride home – then offering to have her come up can definitely work.) On the flip side, if she decides that she would like to return to your pad – you have a very good chance of sealing the deal. It is yours to fuck up at this point, but if you play the game correctly your odds are incredible at this point in the night. If your apartment or house has a good parking situation, then by all means have her drive her car to your place. If the parking situation is shitty and it’s less than a ten minute walk, tell her you’ll drive her back to her car later; do not say you will drive her back the next morning. Doing the latter will set expectations regarding sex that she doesn’t want to bear. Remember, girls want to live in the moment and say that it “just happened.” Once back at your apartment, pour her another drink, put some music on, and continue to move the seduction forward. Bring out the guitar if you play, or show her the cool photo album from your vacation. Eventually, move things to the bedroom, or just start stripping her naked on the couch. There are countless more resources on my blog in regards to making drinks, overcoming resistance to sex, and how to fuck her properly. These topics are beyond the scope of this book, but valuable reading. As we wrap up this section of the book, you’ve probably realized that the entire art of meeting girls on OKCupid and getting them back to your apartment for adult fun is quite the process from A to B. The little details matter; from the distance you specify for matches, how you close her number, how you pitch the date, the logistics of the bar, and of course – your game. I have found what I believe is the most successful system for getting the bang with OKCupid girls. Yes, it can be a lot of work, but this system is designed for maximum efficiency, speed, and 101 results. If you take everything in this book and apply it, you will go on more dates, bang more girls, and be inspired to write about your own tales. 102 SUMMARY  Remember that once you meet “offline”, you are back to square one. You must reestablish the comfort you built up on OKCupid and text messages. Do this with “fluff” conversation.  Utilize the Questions Game to transition to sexual topics. Remember to start with “innocent” questions like what her hobbies are.  If she begins asking you sexual questions in return, you are doing things right and she is getting turned on.  Tell her to come back to your place. A girl will never hold it against you for pushing hard, but if you are a pussy she will punish you for it.  If she balks at the offer, it’s no big deal. Walk her to her car, kiss her, and see her again (if you want to).  If she agrees, have her drive you back to your pad if parking is ideal.  Once inside, utilize game tactics to seal the deal. Take a browse through my blog’s archives if you need specific information, or email me and I’ll be glad to help you out. 103 THE FAQs While this book is designed as a general guideline for how to handle your interactions on OKCupid, there are unique situations constantly arising that don’t follow the “model” I’ve laid out. Of course, every part of game and seduction has its own grey areas, and it’s up to you to learn how to handle them and deal accordingly in a personalized way. In time, this becomes easy as you go on more dates, get more notches, and generally care less and less about the girls whose vaginas you are penetrating. In this chapter, I’m going to introduce you into some situations that don’t fall into the normal flow I’ve followed in the rest of the book. How often these occurrences happen will depend on what you ultimately decide to write on your profile, how good looking you are, and how the ratios are in your respective cities. With that being said, here is the ultimate OKCupid FAQ guide. “What if she looks at my profile but doesn’t message me?” It’s rare that an attractive girl will actively be looking for a match. Most of the time, they will be too busy drowning in oceans of messages from hundreds of desperate dudes. However, it does happen! If she happens to click on your profile, but doesn’t say anything, send this opening message: “Just looking at my profile, not gonna say anything? You are a perv, young lady.” Or, alternatively: “Just looking but not gonna message me? Are you stalking me?!” This immediately puts her in a defensive position, which, as you’ve already learned, is exactly where you want her to be. She is now chasing you. Attractive men are pursued by women. Unattractive men pursue women. 104 Most likely, she will write something back along the lines of: “OMG haha, I never write first!” To which you can make fun of her for being a chicken, tell her she needs to step her game up, or tell her you expect to be wined and dined before sleeping together. The possibilities are endless. The best part about this situation, is that if she clicked your profile, there’s a good chance she found you attractive. Again, between all of her messages, she chose to search for men, and then chose to click on your picture. There is a good chance that there is at least a little bit of attraction that you can take advantage of spiking it up to your own advantage. After the initial banter has passed, you can simply transition into your usual flow of messages and interactions. A dirty little secret I’ll share with you is how to use this model as a way to build leads. As you’ve likely noticed, while are online you receive notifications in the bottom right hand corner of your screen when someone visits your profile or you receive a message. If you are searching for girls who are “Online Now”, as you should be,then you’ll realize that girls are getting the exact same notifications. Often, when a guy visits them, they’ll click the notification and immediately visit your page. They will rarely message you first, so use this to your advantage. Wait five to ten minutes, after you know she has had time to fall in love with your profile, and then throw the above openers at her calling her a perv or a stalker. If she responds, and isn’t thick in the head, she’ll call you out for visiting her first and not saying anything. Most likely along the lines of: “You looked at my profile first! You’re the perv!” “You looked first so you must be stalking me.” These are easy to beat shit tests which you can counter by simply agreeing and amplifying her statement. “Yes, I am the world’s biggest perv.” “Yes, I am totally stalking you, in fact I’m in front of your house right now in the white van.” 105 I like to call this tactic “baiting”. “What do I do if we’re having a great conversation and she just stops responding?” Truthfully, there isn’t a lot you can do. Sometimes the darnedest things will take your interaction from sky high to ground zero. All’s fair in love and war. You should never try again more than once. Don’t be one of those guys who messages a girl five times in a row as to why she isn’t responding to you. At that point, you might ask yourself if you’re being a bit desperate, so I’ll answer it for you right now - you are being desperate. But sometimes, shit happens. Maybe she went offline and her mom died the next day, and didn’t log on to OKCupid for two weeks. The best way to restart an interaction is to do so when she is online and most likely to receive your message in real-time, or as close to real-time as we can get. Don’t sit around all day hitting refresh on your browser, but as you clean up your messages every few days, take a peak and see if she’s online. If she is, the following message is a good option. It’s straight forward, to the point, and honest. I’m not one to send a second “canned” opener, it’s not worth if it she isn’t digging me from the start. “Hey, you seemed cool and I’d kick myself if I didn’t try again.” My response rate on this one is about 30-40%. Hopefully it works for you, too. “She told me she’s dating other guys!” Buddy, this is the 21st century, and this is online dating. She’s interacting with dozens of dudes a day. Yes, she is likely going to go on a date with a few of them at some point or another. Of course, a classy girl who is worth a relationship would refuse to tell you any of this, but it’s happening. Kill the jealousy. Jealousy is an extreme demonstration of low value. A man who is already fucking three girls doesn’t really care if the new girl he meets has someone she’s been on two dates with, does he? Hell no. If your inner frame and confidence is strong enough, it simply won’t bother you. Sometimes though, you are better off just not knowing. Eventually the tolls of dating can wear down on the best of us, so if you are prone to going soft and getting jealous - simply don’t ask. If she tells you these things despite your protests, kick her to the curb. 106 “Should I lie about my age?” My answer is…it depends. I’m 23 years old, but much farther along in life than the average man my age in regards to career and overall maturity. I personally can’t stand going out with 18 year old girls whose greatest ambition in life, at the moment, is to go to spring break in Cancun. I get bored and irritated. Plus, the fact that I can’t take them out for a drink (sex fuel!) greatly hinders my enthusiasm for them, despite their nubile looks. I suspect that when I’m a little older, I will generally just find all girls to be the same and will be able to better tolerate the 18 year olds. I much prefer dating girls my age or older at this point in my life. So, I’ve lied and run profiles with an exaggerated age. At times I’ve used one profile and spiked my age up to 25, and other times I’ve run two separate profiles - one with my real age of 23 and another saying I’m 27. I strongly encourage you to read the chapter on the details box and figure out what is “within reason”. You can lie, but make sure it’s believable. “Should I use the mobile app or my desktop computer?” OKCupid has both a web interface that can be accessed from any browser, as well as an Android and iPhone application. However, I strongly encourage you to use your computer with a full monitor (preferably two or three) for maximum efficiency. If this means that you have to dedicate a specific night to farm for numbers, so be it. The computer is much more efficient and productive than using your smartphone to copy and paste messages, scan profiles and questions, and more. Time is everything for a valuable man, which you’ll come to realize as you utilize this book and are going out on five dates a week. That’s not to say that the mobile applications don’t have their place. It’s great to get notifications of responses throughout the day, so you can message back in a timely manner and keep the leads hot. It’s great if you work all day, since using your work computer for OKCupid isn’t the best idea. It’s a fantastic way to escape to the toilet and fire off responses. How romantic is that? Picking up girls while sitting on the toilet is a pretty standard occurrence in today’s world. 107 “When I try to log in to OKCupid it said that they’re having technical difficulties and to try again later. Now it’s been several more days and it says the same thing. What’s up?” I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you’ve been banned, player. It is rather inconsiderate for OKCupid to not bother informing you of this whether on the login screen or via email, but that’s their rights since they are providing a free service to begin with. Why do people get banned? Frankly, OKCupid doesn’t need a reason to ban you – it’s their site to administer as they please. Most likely, you got banned for having multiple accounts (if you do this, use separate IP addresses), or perhaps inappropriate pictures and/or profile text. “If I’m banned can I get unbanned?” It has happened to me a few times, and my emails to the OKCupid staff requesting more information fell upon deaf ears. Most likely, it will be more work than it’s worth to try to get unbanned. Instead, just create a new account. If you try this and receive the same “technical difficulties” error, take these steps. 1. Clear all history in your browser – cache, cookies, etc. 2. Delete all the files in your C:\Windows\Temp folder. If you are on a Mac with OSX, Google how to do the OSX equivalent. 3. Unplug your router and modem for 24 hours. This should reset your IP address. 4. Delete the app from your smartphone. In the event you can’t go without your internet for a day, there are a few ways around the situation. 1. Using another computer will sometimes work. 2. Get a proxy server or VPN to change your IP. There are both free and paid versions out there. I like to use the “Cyberghost VPN” plugin, which is available on Chrome and Opera browsers. It will kill your bandwidth though, so keep this in mind. 3. I’m not a fan of Firefox or Internet Explorer, but there are alternatives for these platforms. 108 THE FINALE It pains me to say this, and I sincerely hope it doesn’t become reality - despite the fact that this book will become a New York Times best seller if the following prediction comes true. The world has changed drastically. Everyone used to meet their spouses in church or through mutual acquaintances. These days, I don’t know a single person in my social circle who attends church more than once every few years to make Grandma happy. Likewise, as the “Pick Up Artist” material becomes more and more mainstream, the more you will see bars being filled up with bad game. Men will either have to have extraordinary patience, or have access to a higher tier of social status than your average guy. When I say this, I mean a social tier where the girls do not require extreme amounts of energy to obtain. Usually, this is accomplished by good connections, and money. I predict that in coming years, technology based dating will become more common that “organic” meetings. When I first started using OKCupid and other forms of online and electronic dating, I realized I was far away from that next level where I could have “passive pussy”, as it’s called. I wanted to date pretty girls but not have to go out five times a week, because that’s just not me. I’m pretty outgoing, and any of my students would be happy to tell you about my level of game, but it just doesn’t interest me. My patience wanes after too many long nights at the clubs, and I found that going out resulted in a lot of sunken time – not to say that there weren’t plenty of good times and fruits from the labor. However, as someone who studied economics at university, I’m a big fan of measuring things in opportunity cost. Going out five nights a week, specifically to game girls, was costing me too much money, time, sleep, and most importantly – other opportunities, such as writing this book. That’s why I set out to develop a system where, on any night of the week, I could turn on my computer and chat with cute girls, eventually getting their numbers and asking them out. It didn’t happen overnight, there were several months of fine-tuning things before I started going on five dates a week – which I quickly tired of. Simply put, enjoy the process, and don’t change too many things at once. “Game” is a part of life, and life 109 is a sprint, not a marathon. I promise you that if you follow the advice given in this book, and continue working on yourself to become the best man you can be, you’ll start getting plenty of dates from OKCupid. I owe a big thank you to everyone who contributed to this book in one way or another. Whether you helped with the title, gave input, edited it, or just gave me a little encouragement – I can’t express my gratitude. This book has been a year in the making, and I’m glad I finally got it out. Finally, I want to hear your stories, both good and bad. Please don’t hesitate to send me an email ([email protected]) at any point and share your experiences. Nothing would make me prouder than to have a chapter dedicated to reader success stories in the next revision of Cracking OKCupid. Make sure to visit my blog: http://www.thisistrouble.com 110