2.1.1 Crime - Sample Some countries, especially poor ones, ones, have a high level of crime, especially poor countries and which the government and local authorities struggle to solve. solve. The causes causes of crime crime committing committing are depend on many various factors, however, it is commonly believed that there is a direct correlation between the number of the crimes crime s and the gross domestic product per person. It’s logically due to the fact that the poverty is a major factor of crimecommitting. Another factor which gives the has an impact to on the level of the crime is the difference in the earnings earning s of the various social groups. The problem is very complicated and should be solved together by various group of society organisations and associations. associations . Firstly, the poor people should care about balancing learn to maintain a balance between their expenses and incomes which they earn in order to eliminate unpredictable expenditures such as drinking alcohol, consuming drugs and paying for the consequences of their their bad habits. Secondly, the government and the local authorities should give a hand up provide long-term support, support, instead of giving of giving handout handoutss for to poor people. It gives them a chance to get an education and obtain a well-paid job as well. Thus, the more government maintenance control/interventio c ontrol/intervention n could decline reduce unemployment and consequently, the level of the crime. Thirdly, the media should broadcast information about living a healthy lifestyle in order to persuade people not to consume drugs and alcohol. It is commonly known that there is a strict relationship between crimes and drug consumption. Take, for instance, the South American countries such as Columbia and Bolivia where the government is not able to prevent the crimes because of the high level of illegal drug sales. Finally, the international organization community community should should support the countries which provide the an active policy in respect of regarding of regarding / with regard to the prevention of the crime via charity donationss. donation In conclusion, I believe that crime prevention is a very important topic for most countries which could be solved by the collective efforts and in order to b e successful succe ssful in the reduction of the crime, each group of in of in society should make their contribution to minimize the number of crime s and the government should coordinate the overall process. Red = corrections Green = suggested improvements Word count: 332
Minimum word count: 250
Task Achievement Good – the question has only been answered indirectly but the arguments are relevant and well-developed.
Coherence & Cohesion Very strong – effective use of paragraphs and linkers.
Lexical Resource Good – adequate range of appropriate vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy Good – able to form complex sentences but some errors persist throughout.
How To Improve It is very important to address ALL parts of the question directly. Regarding grammar, more focus is needed on definite articles with general/plural nouns > iPass Toolbox on Articles
2.2.1 Public Health - Sample Like all human needs such as food and education, health care is one of these important concerns. Services like vaccinations vaccination s or even surgeries are free in some countries but not in others. Whether or not all people have toshould toshould receive free health care, even those who are responsible of for of for harming themselves themselves,, this is the question we aim to find its solution in the following lines answer here. We have There are different opinions regarding this situation. Some people believe that health care should be made free for everyone. They think that human wellbeing is an essential aspect for a comfortable life. Therefore, health must be protected and cured without charge. For instance, elderly people don’t shouldn’t have to pay in order to have h ave an urgent surgery operation operation.. In addition, this will encourage people to look carefully after themselves more carefully. While in on the other hand, many individuals think that those who are destroying their health by not taking care of it, like smokers, drudgers drug abusers/addicts, those who don’t do sports and those who eat unhealthy food, just to mention a few, must pay for their controls check-ups and cure medicines medicines.. That means, this payment will lead many of them to think again about the unreasonable treatment of their health, so they may make a change in their way of life. Overall, while I do believe that health is pre cious and managing to make it easy to for people to protect their health is a compelling achievement, I think that those who do not protect themselves should pay the price for their negligence.
Red = corrections Green = suggested improvements Word count - 251 Minimum word count: 250
Task Achievement Good – you have addressed the task well and included some examples.
Coherence & Cohesion Very strong – well-organised and clear.
Lexical Resource Good – some inappropriate vocab choices.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy Good – a variety of structures used with only minor errors persisting in word order, punctuation and prepositions.
How To Improve Using a wider range of vocabular y by employing simple techniques such as varyi ng parts of speech. > iPass Module – Privacy Laws
2.3.1 University Admission Admission - Sample Many people dream to of live having a high standard of of life life living living,, by doing a highly paid and secured jobs, and to get more respect in the community, so they are going to university more than in the past. But comparatively, thelife has become more hectic due to more stress and responsibilities. Because of overpopulation and a few incidents like ’ G lobal Recession Period’, resulting in a shortage of general job vacancies, most people agree that it’s better to go to for university studies and become a highly qualified person. As a result, one can not only get a high level job post but also earn enough money in a short period (like Bank Executives) rather than spending their whole life on minimum wages working as a less qualified person.and also The advance in techonology has also had a great impact, replacing many people ’s jobs especially in the agricultural fields industry, realizing making/forcing/encouraging them (to) go for jobrelated vocationalcourses by which they can do work faster and more effectively. For example, a degree in Technology Technology in Agriculture or Mechanical Engineering Engineer ing.. course through university. In my opinion, in proffessional jobs workers like doctors and lawyers are spending most of their of their life period to being being trained and before start starting ing to work and managing to earn a higher income with more respect. However, I think most of them are not able to cope with the job’s responsibility responsibility and stress. In fact, there there are so many universities which gives the opportunity to do online courses. In conclusion, the advantages of going to university in order to get h igher qualifications qualification s outweigh the disadvantages. It has had an incredible impact in the progress of developing countries like India. In addition, with theadvance in techonolgy, it’s possisble to share work or to do a job from your/the computer computer,, so that one can maintain a good work-life balance and avoid stress-induced health problems. Red = corrections Green = suggested improvements Word count - 281 Minimum word count: 250
Task Achievement Satisfactory – you need to present a clearer position and support your ideas/views with relevant examples and reasons.
Coherence & Cohesion Good – you link your sentneces well with appropriate linkers.
Lexical Resource Good – appropriate vocab showing awareness of collocation.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy Satisfactory - Good range of structures but simple errors still persisting.
How To Improve You need to support your argument with r elevant reasons and examples > iPass Module –Gender Pay Gap
2.4.1 Ageing Workforce - Sample In today's working world, it's difficult to find better jobs because of many high/stiff/fierce competitions. Every company requires workers with a variety of skills. Some professionals develop their skills over a considerable period of time and had have worked for many years. However, employers are not only looking for experienced workers but also for the qualifications and the acquired skills in dealing with new technologies nowadays. In our technologically advanced society, things are constantly changing. This has a positive advantage to effect on younger generations because they had have studied and learned these th ese new technologies. However, it can be challenging for an older mind to assimilate new information for the advancement in the workplace. This can be a problem with senior workers who lack knowledge of using computers like for example. On the other hand, the advantage of being able to use the rich wisdom of the experienced senior must not be underestimated. The senior worker, having spent so many years in the profession , would have experienced every possible scenario in relation to his/her job. Like for example, when a problem occurs, the young worker has no doesn’t have enough knowledge and it is the senior worker who will give them advice and guidance. In addition, senior staff members provide stability in a company. They add both stability and credibility in a company environment. Although young workers have more knowledge with new technologies, the advantages of well skilled senior staffs are also significant. They bring tremendous knowledge and experience to the workplace. They also add stability to the company and greatly assist younger employees. Businesses and companies will continue to benefit from the senior workers well into the future. Red = corrections Green = suggested improvements Word count: 270
Minimum word count: 250
Task Achievement Very strong – the ideas are well developed to produce a very clear and comprehensive answer.
Coherence & Cohesion Very strong – effective use of paragraphs and linkers.
Lexical Resource Very strong – wide range used with accuracy.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy Very strong –. able to form complex structures with good degree of accuracy.
How To Improve This answer could be improved by i ncluding more expressions for giving opinion and by using synonyms to avoid repetition > iPass Modules - Human Population and Privacy Laws
2.5.1 Free Time - Sample For the last (few) decades many people have got been getting a better income than they had before. Moreover, in the same period, a lot of people p eople have also had a reduction reduc tion in how much time they spend at work. Some reasearchs shows shows that people are less happy now than before, but on the other hand there are also a lot who say they enjoy their lives. The individualisation that has been going developing over the last 30-40 years has ha s made people more aware of their free time. In spite of an increase in available free time, some families use less time together and this can have a bad impact on the family life. However, However , I think that a lot of people also use this time to do exciting things together. In my work as a teacher I often see adults asking permission for their kids to leave school for a week or two, because they want their family to be together on a holiday. Some of the leisure activities people are striving for to do can be a real cost for a family. In spite of increasing wages some families can get the feeling of being poor, because of the ongoing strive for something new. Expensive and long journeys can, can , for instance, instance, be an example of this. matter. It`s not easy to predict what will happen in the future, but there is one issue I will point at. Regarding the climate, the global warming can could have a positive effect. effect. For For instance, instance, the human race could be forced to cut back onthe consumption. We might see a trend where people will seek for the old values. In conclusion, conclusion, families balance their time between work and free time in different ways. Some families fill their free time with more expensive leisure activities, while others put efforts in using make the effort to use the time together. In my opinion I think the future will bring more of the latter. Red = corrections Green = suggested improvements Word count - 316 Minimum word count: 250
Task Achievement Very good – a well-developed answer with extended ideas and relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion Very good – effective use of paragraphs and linking words.
Lexical Resource Good – sufficient range of vocab with occasional errors in word formation/choice.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy Good – produces frequent error-free sentences.
How To Improve Extend your range of vocabulary by paraphrasing and using more synoynms > iPass Module – Privacy Laws
2.6.1 Traditional Culture - Sample The new technology is gradually destroying our culture and its components. It is the driving force behind social change, imposing its own logic on the actors and their relations like use of languages [not sure this is relevant here], here], transforming our traditional norms and values. First of all, technology has abolished the social interaction between families, friends and thesociety in different ways. For instance, most people spend time indoors watching television and surfing the internet. The use of advanced communication techniques like video cassettes as teaching aids, instead of face to face community events, has also affected thesociety negatively. [the question is about culture not really about relationships and communication] In addition to that, our talent and culture is disappearing in the sense that we copy f rom celebrities in on the internet and television. Culture determines the way in which individual sare identified and recognised, therefore we are wiping out/away our specific values by external behaviours inspired by foreign technology. I would also argue that we are not challenging our mental and academic capabilities as we copy different lifestyles and their ideas, which means we are not innovative. The Appropriate measures could be imposed to link culture and technology. This will would wouldbring bring enhance the developments deve lopments of our living standards, which include social, political and cultural spheres. For instance, the use of media and communication to understand different cultures and values. This could expand our horizons by looking at a wide range of cultural information. In conclusion, the protection of cultural identity and reinforcing it are of vital importance. We could accept the realities of the present world and protect our culture by the use of the new technology. Task Achievement Satisfactory – clear position but some parts are not relevant to the question which should be about technology and its impact on traditional culture.
Coherence & Cohesion Good – well-structured with sufficient range of linking words.
Lexical Resource Very good – wide range of vocab used to convey precise meanings.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy Good –. Uses a variety of structures and sentences are generally error-free.
How To Improve With a careful study of the use of articles in English you could eliminate your grammatical errors - Toolbox Exercise
2.7.1 International Transport - Sample Nowadays, international transport has become accessible and affordable. Travelling internationally has become a sort of trend. Some travel for educational purposses, or bussiness bussiness and others do it just for pleasure. Whatever the reason, there are people who object s with to it as they consider it as to be patronizing consumerism, especially when it comes to learning about the world since others think that mass media can do a lot as it's counterpart more effectively instead. [This essay will focus for and against travelling internationally]. internationally]. First of all, I believe that the best be st form of learning is "doing the actual thing". The same is true with learning about the world. While It is true that with the advent of technology, nowadays, by merely merely browsing the internet can provide you with information from about abouthistory, history, geography, culture and tradition of those people living in a certain country. In addition, there is no doubt that mass media is cost-effective and quicker to use. [new para]However, para]However, I would like to reiterate that nothing can compensate (the form of )learning about a country better than the actual interaction with its people. Feeling the real environment and seeing it yourself will provide you with an indepth understanding of the totallity of the place and will substantiate whatever is fed by the media, which is limited. Thus, having been equipped with a profound and absolute information, you can be an effective form of mass media yourself. So, while it is a far more expensive form of learning, I would would still urge the proper authorities authorities to consider this more on this. On the other hand, I would also suggest that they should should send only a selected few few and they should be the right people, ensuring that the purpose of the travel has a genuine goal and that those who were asked to do it should be dedicated and effective to disseminate what has been learnt to further educate the people. [this sentence could be more concise] In conclusion, travelling is inevitable inevitable and very essential as a part of learning, but can also also be compromised if there are other more important aspects to be given priority and if it will bring enormous benefit to the country, [not very clear] otherwise indeed! it is advocating consumerism. Task Achievement Very good – you have presented both sides of the argument clearly and effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion Good – your answer is generally well-linked but lacking in paragraphs.
Lexical Resource Very good – wide range of less common lexis.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy Good – some inaccuracies cause a little confusion but good attempt to use more complex forms.
How To Improve You could make more effective use of paragraphs, and in particular, improve the final impact of your essay by writing a clear, strong conclusion > iPass Module - Child Obesity